Thursday, June 2, 2011

Enough is Enough

Social media sites are here to stay apparently. Any business worth it’s salt has a place you can “LIKE” them or an @handle you can mention them. It’s all apart of marketing their brand and getting their name on your fingertips. But social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace for all you kids still hanging on to Black Planet, is also individual’s little corner of the Internet reserved for their personal lives. They post funny pictures with friends, videos of them out and about, statuses that either glorify their everyday lives and call attention to their activities. Or they cross the line and post entirely too much.

I was on one of these sites the other day and discovered a “friend” had posted a picture of something so out of line, I had to write a blog about it. So without further adieu...

Pregnancy Test Sticks. Yup, the aforementioned friend posted a picture of her positive pregnancy test. Not only is this soooo tacky, it’s also bad luck! Aren’t you supposed to keep pregnancies under wraps until twelve weeks or something just incase? I saw that picture and immediately thought A) there’s urine on that stick and B) if she’s like this with just the discovery of pregnancy, imagine what my timeline will look like when she’s in labor. I hid all future posts.

Sonogram Photos. I don’t know why all my peeves have to do with pregnancy, but I guess it’s just that it seems so incredibly personal. Something exciting for you and your loved ones to share, but not for 1,279 of your closest followers or facebook “friends.” I don’t know about you, but there are many a times when someone pops up on my Facebook timeline and I’m like Who is that and when did I accept their request? Anyway, I’ve seen A LOT of blurry doctor pic in which I can’t even tell there’s a baby in the first place. There’s usually an arrow pointing to Baby _____ so I guess that helps. But it’s just too much.

Personal Spats/Fights With Significant Others. This always drives me crazy. You see two people going back and for on your Twitter public timeline and you think to yourself, “Can someone please pick up a phone and get off the Internet?” I know we live in a technology nation these days and no one under the age of 300 picks up a phone anymore, but goodness, if you’re gonna break up or lament how horribly he’s treating you, can you at least DM or Private message? We really don’t need to see that. And if you keep being so incredibly emo, you will get unfollowed…at least by me.

Bathroom Pictures. Ok, I understand that’s the only place where the mirror and lighting are JUST right, but every time I see one, I feel like I’ve just entered some personal space and you might have just finished dropping a load or something. These pictures are even worse when you’re wearing minimal clothing and yes, I’ve seen lingerie photo shoots on my timeline. Gross.

Relationship Status Extremes. There was a news story several years ago about some groom stopping his wedding right before he kissed his bride and right after the I Do’s to sign into his Facebook account on his Phone. He changed his status to Married and everybody laughed (including the bride) and then he laid a kiss to his new wife and ran down the aisle to his happily ever after. It sounds cute for a news story, but in real life? You gotta be kidding me. That should be the last thing on your mind.

What it comes down to is these sites are all public. It may seem private because it's just your friends, but we all know the Internet is called the WORLD WIDE web for a reason, meaning anyone can have free reign over your "private" sites. Don't put your personal business on front street. It's Facebook for goodness sakes! Not the Holy Grail of life.

Add your own, what’s driving your timeline batty? What gets someone deleted asap?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

(Not So) Free Falling

(Photo note: This is what happens when you google "girl falling.")

I was having a conversation with CJ (for those new to the blog, he’s the ill best guy friend ever and I talk about him a lot on here) and was filling him in on my love life-he asked. When I told him I was trying not to fall hard for this guy, he said, “You’re always falling for someone.” I took such offense to his comment, so I decided to write a list of the last 5 guys I’ve dated or crushed on to prove my point that I haven’t liked anyone for real in a really long time. (Current situation notwithstanding)

Wife Bob. This nickname came from one of my closest girlfriends when I started describing some of his behavior. She insisted he was trying to “wife me” all the time, hence the nickname. Wife Bob (WB) is the closest I’ve come to an actual boyfriend in quite some time, yet I was still running from it. He is/was an incredibly great guy, just not the guy for me. The whole time we dated, I kept feeling like something was off and when I realized he and I were meant to be friends, I broke it off immediately. Especially since I started feeling like he was getting closer to Exclusivityland than I was.

Thug Life. Everybody’s favorite thug. I definitely got caught up with him and there are blogs on here to prove it, but I was by no means in love with Trey and every time he said it to me, something felt wrong with the comment. It just didn’t feel right. Add that to the fact that he was crazy and a liar and discovered he had fathered two children years ago on FACEBOOK, there was NO way that relationship would’ve gone anywhere, but to hell in a hand basket. And if I really felt all I could’ve felt, I would’ve never left him.

The Engaged Guy. I never really talked about EG on here, but I had a massive crush on him for years and eventually started messing around with him last summer after he and his then fiancé started falling apart. The funny thing was that he’d been chasing after me or laying the foundation months before he and his fiancé actually broke up. The whole thing was a mess actually because people found out and rumors flew and we eventually just stopped talking. He hit me to let me know he was in town, but we ended up arguing and blah blah blah. Always knew he wasn’t Prince Charming so it didn’t really phase me.

Paddington Bear. You can guess why this was his nickname; he looked just like him. A complete left turn from the kind of guys I usually dated, this chubby nerdy guy and I just had amazing chemistry. That was really it. We’d talk and laugh and be cool (he’s actually a friend to this day), but it just never really jumped off. He had an ex-girlfriend he was dealing with and I left town for work, so it didn’t really matter.

The Youngin. Do y’all remember The Youngin? I think I wrote about him a few times before, but he was just that: too young. Immature, not sure what to do with his life, and loved to bed girls just to say he did. He was entertaining and young guys love to show off in bed, so win/win for me, but in the end, I knew it wouldn’t be anything major too. Especially when we went to a bar with some friends and I announced I wanted a beer and he just stood there. Broke college student was never the move.

The interesting thing is I look over this list and realize a few things. Some of which I’d already discovered and some a bit brand new:

1. 1. I have slight commitment issues

2. 2. I have a tendency to go after disastrous situations. Guys that are so much of a challenge, I know what the outcome will be, which leads me to…

3. 3. As much as I love the L word, I’m super afraid of heartbreak and realize I haven’t taken anyone seriously since my heart was shattered two years ago. It’s funny because I’m definitely over my last exclusive relationship, but the residual damage left behind is that I am in need of someone good to cancel the old out and allow me a real shot with someone worth it.**

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

**I think I might be embarking on just that, but I don’t wanna say yet. I feel like Beyonce on Jay in the good ole days. Trying to keep this special thing to myself. I will say this, though, it's the first time I’ve felt like this in…maybe ever.**

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Blackie Does Cali!!

Hey kids! It's been a while, this is true, but a LOT has been happening so let me catch you up as to where B has been. I was doing so much writing that I had to ease up from the blogging for the gigs that were paying my rent, ha! Speaking of apartments and living conditions, I've also recently moved to Los Angeles!! Yep, Blackie's gone west. Work brought me out here and so far so GREAT! I've loved every sparkly/beautiful people moment of Hollywood and I'm already up to my usual shenanigans. New boys in the new hood, of course!!

So, lots happening and even more coming. I'm so excited about it all!! Anyway, here we go! LA has no idea what it's in for...

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tales from the Hood: The Sequel That Shouldn't Have Been

**Author's note** Everyone keeps asking where I've been...well, I'm right here, just been super busy. It seems my professional writing has taken over these days and most of my creative juices are being splayed on AOL Black Voices, Hello Beautiful, News One, Urban Daily and the like. I can't complain though, it's pretty awesome and there are some major things in the works for B, which excites me to no end. It's exactly what I wanted to happen, so YIPPY! But I will do my best to continue bringing B into your lives with my crazy blog, but forgive me if a few days pass without a blog going up. It's usually because there's stuff on other sites. So get it in with me there when we aren't here! xoxo***

So, Trey is gone. Out the picture. But he's still in the same museum, lurking, observing, dropping in from time to time to jack my life up and throw my little universe off it's axis. He calls and leaves messages saying he loves me and misses me. He sends me random pictures of him in the club with the title: I want you back. And on the nights when he's out drunk, he calls me, and calls me, and calls me, and calls me repeatedly, over and over until he either gets the point or passes out I assume.

I don't really know what to do. I'm seeing someone new. He's a great guy. He's sweet and fun and fucking normal. He isn't out of his mind. He doesn't have a record, he isn't ridiculously intense to a point that he drives me up and down and all over crazy. And yet, I can't full get into him because I can't get over Trey. I've told Trey to stop calling. I've told him to leave me alone, to let me get over him, to keep it moving, but he doesn't. Or he does for a week, right to the point that I feel life find it's rhythm without him in it and as only men magically do, he calls "out of nowhere." How do they know when the power is starting to shift away from them, that their grasp is loosening on our hearts. They somehow have a sixth sense for that shit and they call or come back immediately, tightening their grip, ruining the semblance of regularity.

I hate him and yet I'm still so hopelessly missing him. It's sort of stupid. It pisses me off that he won't just go away or that I can't answer his calls, talk to him like a normal human being. You're wondering why I don't just answer? Well, the last time I did, he went on and on about how much he loved me, asked me to come back to him, quit my life and be in his basically. He was quiet and sincere, choked up and growly in his voice. It was the worst conversation. He kept asking me why I wouldn't tell him I loved him too. I kept telling him I just wanted to make sure he got home safely, that I'd stay on the phone with him til his drunk ass got home. It's draining. It's like the drain in a bathtub and all my energy just gets sucked right down and out. This is why I can't answer. Why I have to do the ignore thing that I hate so much. I hate when men do it to women. I find it rude and even more, cowardly. And yet, I'm doing it to Trey. But in my defense it's because he's just too much to do deal with. And I want to give the new guy a solid chance. I want to date a normal guy, leave my thug love tendencies behind me. There's a line in this song and it goes: "Passion is fine, but passion burns fast. Passion's design seems never to last. Better a match, better a blend. Who needs a lover, I need a friend." This many sound depressing, but it's true. Right now, I need easy, honest, relaxing, a guy who's just as much a friend as he is the guy I'm romantically involved with. I need balance and for goodness sakes, NORMAL. Trey is the exact opposite, so I have to keep him at bay, keep it moving on my end and hope he gets the memo and goes off to ruin someone else's love life.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Pots and Kettles

A few days ago, I had a really annoying conversation. But we have to go back to the beginning to understand why the conversation was so irritating. About 5 years ago, I went on a date with a guy I’d known in college. We’ll call him Russ. Russ was older than me and apart of a group of guys that all knew my cousin, who was older than me (their age) and much more like a sister than a cousin. Said group treated me like their little sister when I cam on campus, but much like the little sister growing up theory, Russ and I reconnected 5 years ago and recognizing a certain connection decided to go out. Well our first date turned into quite a story, which I can’t all the way share because it turns out a lot of people are interested in who Blackie really is and if I tell the story in true detail, quite a few will guess it quite easily. We aren’t there yet, especially with some of the kettles in B’s fire.

At any rate, the date was an epic first date and to this day, I’ve never had that kind of immediate knowledge that this person was IT. I don’t know what it is that clicks when you feel like you’ve met your match, but it is the only time I’ve experienced, which says a lot for all the relationships I’ve been in. It’s like a drug; you keep chasing that feeling, that high, for all your life until you either rediscover it or find something equal or better. I specifically remember thinking, very shortly after our first date, that I was going to marry him. I even called my mother and told her. I was also just out of college, young and naïve, so take that for what it’s worth. So, fast forward to it’s end. It ended really oddly. He was studying for his medical boards, holed up in a house upstate, preparing. We talked all day every day, we talked about everything from daily check-ins to the future. Things were pretty solid. I sent him care packages and egged him on to study and succeed. He supported me in the things I was doing. Then one day, he said it was crunch time and he needed to really dig in for the upcoming (a few weeks) test. He called me from the house line, cut off his cell and studied for hours. Of course in hindsight, that was probably about 60% true. I’ve always been taught: when a man isn’t giving you his attention, he’s giving it to someone or something else-more than likely someone. A few days into the new quieter “relationship,” I went out with a common friend. During this meeting, his phone rang, and a quick reactionary glance at his phone’s screen showed it was Russ’ CELL PHONE. “Oh, it wasn’t turned off?” I asked? “Why would be it be turned off?” he responded and then immediately realizing that he might’ve just put himself in a tizzy, tried to back pedal. I didn’t need much else, I knew it was on the downslide officially. In the following weeks, Russ gave me ridiculous explanations, complete with an email that said, in the most unattached, corporate language, he “didn’t think this particular merger was going to work.” He said I had certain insecurities he wasn’t sure he was in a place to deal with. I couldn’t fathom what he was talking about, but I said, ok, fine. See ya. I’ve seen him several times since and each time, he tells me how great I look, flirts, etc. One time, he came home with me, but I decided it wasn’t a good idea and he left. He’s probably still salty about that. Oh well.

So that brings us to now. The conversation I had with one of my good guy friends, who also happens to be super close to Russ as well. In the conversation, he mentioned something that I hadn’t told him: a person I’d messed around with off and on during our college years. I asked how he knew about it, he said he’d heard from Russ. Russ had just been in town for a guys weekend and my friend apparently brought me up (because he loves me oh so much) and Russ responded by talking about when we dated and saying the real reason he cut things off was because he couldn’t go somewhere serious with someone who’d been with a guy he was really really close with. So he basically dumped me because of my “relationship” with college boy.

Here’s where I get pissed. Double standards have never been my thing. It is completely unfair that men get away with things women can’t even put their finger on without being labeled negatively. I cannot tell you the number of guy friends who have the same chicks in common. It’s absolutely ridiculous that it’s okay for them but not for us. The fact that you’d cut off something that was so obviously AWESOMELY RIGHT because of your ego makes you not the man I thought you were, Russ, and I swear I’m two and a half men away from outing you on this blog, but that’s not my style and not the point.

Six degrees of separation is more like two or even one or none in most worlds, and it’s virtually impossible to not at the very least have crossed paths with someone in common. It’s just impossible. I’m not saying you should change your morals or whatever, but man are you throwing those stones mighty hard for someone with a glass address.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

Friday, February 25, 2011

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Sleep w/ Your Ex

You broke up. You're more or less over it. So what. Blah blah blah. But the sex. OOOH, the sex. You miss it. Of course you miss it! Duh. So....why not? Well here's why you shouldn't revisit sexytime with someone who's time has come... and gone.

Feels like the first time. Or not. It's never quite as good as it once was. Why not? Because you used to be in all kinds of lurve and we all know sex full of emotion is way better than the opposite kind. Might as well leave all those lovely memories where they belong-right on Memory Lane where love don't live anymore.

Too much feeling. One of the biggest reasons I've never gone back sexually to my (major) ex boyfriend is because I knew without a doubt that he wouldn't be able to be with me without expecting more, hoping for reconciliation. Now before you decided I'm a completely arrogant prick, know that I broke it off for good with him and every few months after (and still), I get a phone call or a text or a BBM that says something along the lines of, "I miss you and want you back." I tried to sleep with him once before and we wound up getting back together. Never again.

Standstill. It is virtually impossible to move on from a relationship when you are continually going back to that person emotionally, mentally, physically, so why would sexually be any different. If anything, it might be worse. It's just so hard to develop feelings for someone knew when you refuse to leave the old ones alone and I don't care what you say, it's really really hard to separate feelings when you once had so many of 'em. But good luck, lemme know it goes.

Too. Good. Let's say you go back and it's awesome; just as you remembered it except better. Now you're in real trouble. One of two things will happen: A, you will keep sexing, fall back into the habit of being around each other, and get back together. It'll be all nice and slow until you start to remember exactly why you broke up in the first place. Now you're sorta fucked. Well, not really anymore cause now we have to go through another lovely breakup and trust me, it's worse the second time around. OR B, you keep sexing because it's just so damn good and then one day he sits you down and tells you the sex has to stop because he's met a great girl and he wants to give it a real shot. She gets to have your good sex now. Whoopy!

Dead and gone. Worst case scenario, honestly, is probably going back and having it be bad, not because it just isn't as good, but because it's just so empty. It's over. You really are over it and so is he. Then it's just kinda painful and completely not worth the effort. Hell, you coulda had a V8.

Don't say I didn't warn you. In fact, I'd love for you to go out there, find your ex, diddle his pickle, and find out for yourself. I've given so much damn advice and people still do what they want. I find the best advice is learning from your own mistake. Work it out in the c-section-add you own. You know the deal.

That bitch stole my line,
Blackie Collins

Friday, February 18, 2011

Happy Friday!!

Hey kids! It's been a really busy week, but there are a couple articles up over on AOL for you to get your Blackie fix. New post just put up today on "Why Women Are Such Haters..." More next week!!


ps- it's All Star weekend over in LA...get your smeeze on if you're out there! You could be on the next season of Basketball Wives or something! Get your come uppance...