On Sleeping Over

I see a lot of blogs about sleepovers-why you should do them, why you shouldn't. The trouble they cause, the fun times they bring. It's simple for me: I don't like sleepovers for the most part. Unless they involve mani/pedi's and Ouija boards. Light as a feather, stiff as a board! Ok, back to my point. No sleepovers. I won't kick you out, per se, that's kinda awkward and rude, but here's why I'd rather you just head home or at least sleep on the couch ;)

Cuddling. Men, contrary to stereotype, j'adore cuddling. I hate it. I'm the only weirdly wired girl who doesn't like when I guy wraps his arms around you and goes to sleep. For me, it's more like, they grab you in this vice grip and you're stuck there until they do one of two things: roll over or wake up and leave. Neither seems to happen with my luck. I sleep either on my stomach or in some twisted contorted position I've come up with in my search for comfort. Because of that most men have failed. I usually just go insane and lay there until I can figure out how to break out of jail. Two guys have figured out how to cuddle me. TWO! My ex slept on his stomach too, so for the most part we'd cuddle up, talk or whatever and then roll over to sleep. Perfection. Another surprised the heck out of me. We messed around and when I maneuvered myself into a crazy position to sleep, he slipped one arm under me and the other drapped over me. I was in a bear hug, without being uncomfortable. I fell asleep quickly. I could marry him.

Sharing. I grew up in a household where I had to claim what was mine. I don't share well. That includes my bed. My body literally senses someone who isn't supposed to be in the bed and freaks out. I never get a good nights sleep. I spend the whole time keeping my body in a line, on my side of the bed. Men seem to know no boundaries in life let alone someone else's bed. They sprawl out and takeover. I'm sorry, you didn't pay for this bed, so can you please move over? Thanks, Chick With The Receipt

Emotions. Now, here's the last issue for me. There are many things that illicit emotions from people: puppies, sad movies, proposals, sex. To me, however, it feels like sleepovers make more of a connection then the acts done in the bed themselves. I remember my sophomore year, I slept over a good friends house (female-and no this isn't that kind of story). We laid on our sides of her bed, chatting and laughing into the night. I remember thinking, "We're gonna be best friends for life." Corny, hello, I was 19, but true. Fast forward a several years and was Maria, my best friend. Something happens in the dark, at night, talking, in a bed regardless of the gender. Adding male and female counterparts-all their parts really-and suddenly the bed is a feeding ground for connections and chemistry. I personally hate science, so if I like you, I can't sleep. I lay there all excited, electronic currents shooting through my body-'no sleep til Brooklyn' and all that. You staying over is either gonna perpetuate that or create some sort of false feelings. The good news for you is learning my sleeping habits can let you know the 411: if I'm knocked out, chances are I'm not that into you.

Yup, those are my major reasons, so either get your own accommodations or follow my rules. Otherwise, there's a nice pull out in my living room. Blankets in the hall closet. Night!

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo

Blackie Collins