Why Are All The Pretty Girls Alone in the Club

My girl Trish, spent her weekend club hopping. She had a burst of energy and spent the entire holiday weekend out. Thursday and Sunday included. When she called me to give me the morning-after stories, I was sort of surprised as to what she had to say.

"I know it's been a while, but did being pretty go out of style? Are ugly girls trending now?"

I laughed thinking Trish was just being Trish, but instead she replied, "No, seriously. I think men are into average or lower now. Based on the weekends events, that's what I'm goin with 'cause it's the only explanation." Realizing she was serious and then remembering a previous conversation with another friend about a similar topic, I asked Trish to elaborate. She went on to explain how she noticed, during a more sober moment, many of her girlfriends, who are a gaggle of hotties to say the least, were alone most of the night. Once she noticed the trend, she couldn't shake it. A couple guys ventured into their table's vicinity, slugging their own drinks, maybe offering to buy one for the lady of interest, but that would be it if that. Long were the days of the "who can get the most numbers" game. The girls were striking out. A few sideled up, attempting to grind a bit, but again, that was it.

Trish, despite having a boyfriend and not really caring about love in the club, was pissed off. She sounded insane as she popped off left and right on how it was absolutely ridiculous to be a beautiful woman and not have a line around the door for your attention. I listened and immediately pulled out the mac to jot my thoughts down for later. I came up with a few points; some of which have some validity and some of which might be pure sh*t.

The average girl is easier to try. If you think about the number of times men have complained about the failed attempts at gorgeous girls, it would make sense to go ahead and try the average girls instead. It's shrinks your odds and the girl who's just average will be so excited that you chose her. My dad's third wife wasn't nearly as attractive as my mom and I really believe he needed a woman who was of no competition to him. He had to be the cutie in the couple. Maybe it comes from insecurity on his part.

The scales are so tipped. One of the flagged items from Trish's weekend was the fact that the clubs were completely beaver fests. There were way more chicks than d*cks, so in a numbers game, the men have the pick of the litter. They can essentially do whatever (it seems to the naked eye, not necessarily the truth), while the female masses teeter around hoping a dude will toss 'em a bone. If you know this, as many men do, your options are far greater, so why settle on any one.

Who looks for their wife in the club? With the exception of Bethany from Real Housewives of New York, few meet their husbands/wives in the club. Knowing this, you're not necessarily looking for Mrs. Right. You're looking for Ms. Right Now. It's not like it matters that much what she looks like. Doesn't mean he's running around, chasing ugg muff, just means he's chasing muff. That's the real focus and she probably doesn't have to be the most gorgeous woman ever in life.

Pretty girls have issues. There are so many theories on the issues that plague girls of the attractive persuasion. They either rely too much on their looks, have zero self esteem from dealing with dingbat dudes dogging them, or they have spent so much time being treated like pretty princesses, they are spoiled rotten and no one wants to be around them anyway. So sure, if I were a guy and I saw a great looking woman in the club all long hair flowing, banging body displaying, beauty shining, I might back off. A guy friend of mine once said, "Look, I love Ferraris, but I know I can't afford a Ferrari right now. Will I test drive one if given opportunity? Absolutely. Will I eventually be able to snag it? One can hope. But can I actually afford one right now? Nope, so why even bother? I can, however, afford this nice reliable Camry and it'll do the job without breaking the bank." I mean, if that isn't a sermon of sorts, I don't know what it is.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo

Blackie Collins