Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Me and the Married Man

I'd like to think there's something wrong with them; that I am fine, doing me, won't change and all that, but now I'm wondering if I'm doing something to warrant this kind of behavior so repeatedly.

You're wondering what I'm talking about. Well here it is: taken men always want to sleep with me. Am I the ideal mistress? I don't like this one bit especially given my dad's extracurricular activities when I was growing up. I just do not condone the married men shit. So, you understand how unwelcomed this sort of thing is for me.

It recently started bothering me again as a guy friend of mine has started making some weird comments in the midst of what I thought was a regular friendship. We've been friends for years, but have gotten closer in the last several months. I'm doing some freelance work for his company, so we're in contact for both business and personal reasons now. And he's married. And I know his wife. And I like her. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't matter, but I felt I should say it just for security purposes. One of the things I love most about him is the fact that he's married, so I don't have to worry about another problem I seem to have a lot: guy friends who have ulterior motives. Since he's married, there's no chance, no shot at him coming out of pocket one night and stepping over the line. Well, ideally there isn't. See, that's exactly what's started happening lately. The other night he was up late doing work and we were chatting on the phone. It was around 1 in the morning, and while my best friend, Maria, is always warning me about the messages late night exchanges gives off, I usually ignore it because I'm such a night owl. I do my best EVERYTHING after midnight and I know so many people who are similar, so we're all up at 3am, g-chatting, tweeting, texting, etc. I don't think much of these kinds of things, but maybe I need to? But back to the story. So, we're talking, regular conversation, when I ask him some advice about some guy I'm not supposed to be dealing with anyway (no boys). We are heavily debating the situation with said dude, and I tell him once again about my abstaining techniques I'm practicing and how this is an issue with the new guy. And at one point my supposedly platonic and married friend says: I mean, if it's a horny issue in general, I'll take care of that for you.

Whaaat? I ignored the comment and said something else to continue the conversation. But a few minutes later, he said something snarky again! Suddenly I looked around, realized it was now 2am, and I was having an inappropriate conversation with a married man who was in his office talking to some woman while his all-unknowing wife slumbered upstairs in their marital bed. I literally looked up to the sky and thought why does this always happen? Can I have one guy friend who never tries me? Especially a married one?!

So, I told my supposedly platonic and married friend this conversation had taken a turn for the worse and that I suddenly felt weird. I told him how I valued the few faithfully married friends I had and wanted him to stay in that category, so even if he was a cheater, I didn't want to know about it and I certainly didn't want to be on the receiving end. He responded by laughing and reminding me how much shit he talks, how I should know he's never serious. Mmmhmm.

So I've been wondering why lately. I just finally put the nail in the coffin of that other guy I talked to several months ago. The one who was "separated" but still lived in his house with his wife. He still texts me even though I haven't responded since 1904. And I won't go into the ex who's married now, but won't leave me alone. As a close female friend put it the other day, "B, you're an atypical type of girl. You are both a girl's girl and a guy's girl, so naturally both men and women flock to you. For a guy, seeing a woman who can hold her own in a crew of dudes, won't make him turn off the game because she's watching too, and loves having a good time, I mean, you're the freedom a married man seeks. They get around you and think, man, how'd I miss this boat." But how is that my fault? This is just who I am, so now what? Cut off all male friends who are married or have serious girlfriends? Well, that's half my contact list being the age I am. I will say the late night calls and content should be exed out. Maybe they are giving off a bad aura. Like shouldn't he be upstairs having a nice conversation with his wife? Content is important also because I don't want you thinking I'm the girl you go to when you want to lament how boring or square your wife is. Nope, not my problem. You should've thought about that when you married the old ball and chain.

But that's all I can come up with. What else am I doing wrong? I seem to be the common denominator amongst these situations, so I am assuming there's gotta be stuff I'm doing without realizing it and it's gotta stop because I'm running out of patience...and guy friends.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. your honesty with yourself and the candor with which you share makes you a cool ass chick in my eyes. i wish i had friends like you!

    i have no real advice or insight in your situation. tell them grown ass men to act like men worthy of their wives.


  2. The only thing I would add is that you CANNOT have any sort of relationship type discussion with a dude without him thinking he's got a chance. Talk sports, talk work, talk politics, religion, etc. but do not talk relationships with a guy if you don't want them sneaking themselves into the conversation. Extra especially discussion of abstinence or lack of male attention or anything related because a man with any sort of intentions will jump in there to test the waters, even if he claims later to be just kidding. Then the door has been opened and that relationship becomes ackward. Best just to leave those topics to those individuals who you are either female or you are absolutely certain they wouldn't cross the line into creeping territory.

  3. you attract married men, and I attract assholes. what a combo! As a kindred spirit in the night owl business, I would recommend this as a good rule of thumb: If you don't plan on/want to show your panties to the man in question, don't talk to him after 11pm, don't talk to him about sex, and DON'T talk to him by yourself while drunk. It sucks and it certainly does limit who you can confide in and hang with, but hey, isn't that kind of a good thing? When in doubt, talk to one of your gheis.