I've always stated my feelings on whether or not a woman and man should wait to have sex or not, but incase you're new to the blog, it goes something like this: Do it when you feel like it. I'm not trying to make something that is intimate and important, small and simple, but I find that people love to overcomplicate things. This isn't complicated. The factors and possibilities can get as such, but for the most part, it's very very simple: do it when you want to.
Yet, despite my bottom line there are still all these addendums (not made up by me) that come into the picture. A friend of mine, Jess, is mildly dating a guy-they've gone out several times, talk on the phone, know each other's middle names, and have had some steamy make out sessions. We'll call him 7th grader, I'll tell you why. He. can't. seem. to. wait. Jess is not an "easy lay" (a term I hate but will use for now) and 7th grader is as anxious a Ginuwine circa 2000. He asks her when she'll be ready at least once or twice a week, he feeds her lines about how much he wants her, longs for her, he tries her in every time things get steamy. Maybe this time she'll go all the way! Jess has told him, explained to him her position-she wants to make sure he's deserving of her chocha. She is worried he'll bust a move as soon as he busts a nut, which sounds probable based on his antics. He's stated that he doesn't know if he can truly get to know her without this last piece. Right. As I type this blog, I've already told Jess not to sleep with him. He sounds like a head case. Besides, it's illegal, being that he's in 7th grade and all.
I want my motto to take hold, but it can't, now can it? For several reasons actually:
There are all these double standards. When a guy gets it in on the first night, it's all hail the king. When the girl does the same, she's a whorebag tossed into oblivion with the label branded like a scarlett 'A.' I know double standards have been around since forever, but it's getting old. A woman should be able to do what she wants when she wants and yet she's held to a different standard. Trust me, this makes women "hold out" even longer. Fear of being labeled a slut.
Then we worry about he'll think. And not just him, but his friends that he will inevitably gossip to. Think about it. It's one of the first few dates, she's invited him in, all is going well, necking on the couch. I guarantee, if she stops him it's because she doesn't want to do it too soon. Doesn't want him to think she gives it up easily to every other guy. Then he'll go and tell his friends that they too can hit (trust me, they do this-I call it the hand off).
She Won't Do It: This point is actually more in the man's corner. This can all get confusing. Say she doesn't give it up easily. Makes you take her out, gasp-spend money on her, etc. and you still haven't gotten in there. I know men who will just move on, say it isn't worth the hassell. But I got some great advice from CJ once. He said, "If a girl isn't giving it up, I take it as a challenge. Put in my A game, hit it, and keep it moving. Her holding out isn't gonna make me think she's anything other than what I already thought of her based on other traits." So I guess it doesn't matter? I don't know, men are so ridiculous.
But all the thought that goes into it? Well, we do this for you guys. Most women have raging libidos, so squashing a possible awesome romp or playing any kind of game with it is strictly for the dickly.
That bitch stole my line,