Thursday, March 3, 2011

Pots and Kettles

A few days ago, I had a really annoying conversation. But we have to go back to the beginning to understand why the conversation was so irritating. About 5 years ago, I went on a date with a guy I’d known in college. We’ll call him Russ. Russ was older than me and apart of a group of guys that all knew my cousin, who was older than me (their age) and much more like a sister than a cousin. Said group treated me like their little sister when I cam on campus, but much like the little sister growing up theory, Russ and I reconnected 5 years ago and recognizing a certain connection decided to go out. Well our first date turned into quite a story, which I can’t all the way share because it turns out a lot of people are interested in who Blackie really is and if I tell the story in true detail, quite a few will guess it quite easily. We aren’t there yet, especially with some of the kettles in B’s fire.

At any rate, the date was an epic first date and to this day, I’ve never had that kind of immediate knowledge that this person was IT. I don’t know what it is that clicks when you feel like you’ve met your match, but it is the only time I’ve experienced, which says a lot for all the relationships I’ve been in. It’s like a drug; you keep chasing that feeling, that high, for all your life until you either rediscover it or find something equal or better. I specifically remember thinking, very shortly after our first date, that I was going to marry him. I even called my mother and told her. I was also just out of college, young and na├»ve, so take that for what it’s worth. So, fast forward to it’s end. It ended really oddly. He was studying for his medical boards, holed up in a house upstate, preparing. We talked all day every day, we talked about everything from daily check-ins to the future. Things were pretty solid. I sent him care packages and egged him on to study and succeed. He supported me in the things I was doing. Then one day, he said it was crunch time and he needed to really dig in for the upcoming (a few weeks) test. He called me from the house line, cut off his cell and studied for hours. Of course in hindsight, that was probably about 60% true. I’ve always been taught: when a man isn’t giving you his attention, he’s giving it to someone or something else-more than likely someone. A few days into the new quieter “relationship,” I went out with a common friend. During this meeting, his phone rang, and a quick reactionary glance at his phone’s screen showed it was Russ’ CELL PHONE. “Oh, it wasn’t turned off?” I asked? “Why would be it be turned off?” he responded and then immediately realizing that he might’ve just put himself in a tizzy, tried to back pedal. I didn’t need much else, I knew it was on the downslide officially. In the following weeks, Russ gave me ridiculous explanations, complete with an email that said, in the most unattached, corporate language, he “didn’t think this particular merger was going to work.” He said I had certain insecurities he wasn’t sure he was in a place to deal with. I couldn’t fathom what he was talking about, but I said, ok, fine. See ya. I’ve seen him several times since and each time, he tells me how great I look, flirts, etc. One time, he came home with me, but I decided it wasn’t a good idea and he left. He’s probably still salty about that. Oh well.

So that brings us to now. The conversation I had with one of my good guy friends, who also happens to be super close to Russ as well. In the conversation, he mentioned something that I hadn’t told him: a person I’d messed around with off and on during our college years. I asked how he knew about it, he said he’d heard from Russ. Russ had just been in town for a guys weekend and my friend apparently brought me up (because he loves me oh so much) and Russ responded by talking about when we dated and saying the real reason he cut things off was because he couldn’t go somewhere serious with someone who’d been with a guy he was really really close with. So he basically dumped me because of my “relationship” with college boy.

Here’s where I get pissed. Double standards have never been my thing. It is completely unfair that men get away with things women can’t even put their finger on without being labeled negatively. I cannot tell you the number of guy friends who have the same chicks in common. It’s absolutely ridiculous that it’s okay for them but not for us. The fact that you’d cut off something that was so obviously AWESOMELY RIGHT because of your ego makes you not the man I thought you were, Russ, and I swear I’m two and a half men away from outing you on this blog, but that’s not my style and not the point.

Six degrees of separation is more like two or even one or none in most worlds, and it’s virtually impossible to not at the very least have crossed paths with someone in common. It’s just impossible. I’m not saying you should change your morals or whatever, but man are you throwing those stones mighty hard for someone with a glass address.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. Girl move on with the new guy...or take a break. Trey is a comma in this scenerio, not the sentence. He is fun, crazy and leaves you wanting more....I know I have been there. My "Trey" called me for over a year-without me answering the phone--and he made me feel the same way. What a ride but not worth doing for the long haul. In the end it's too tiring and not worth the short-lived fun!