My best friend, Maria, has been dating younger men lately. That's perhaps the first problem, but not entirely where we're going with this. She hasn't been purposefully seeking out younger guys, but it seems everyone she meets is 25 and under. We all know that your twenties are a major growth spurt. There are so many changes in those ten years that it seems you essentially grow up during that time. Who you were at 29 is light years away from who you were at 22, so it goes with out saying that two people of those ages will have a glorious time finding commonalities amidst the vast space that separates them. That's not to say there aren't mature 22 year olds and immature 29 year olds as well, which is perhaps why certain forty year old cougars seem to work out just fine with their twenty-something year old husbands.
But Maria has not been having the same luck. As a matter of fact, she pitifully asked if she had the words, "Baby-sitter" stamped on her forehead. I told her no, not literally, but in theory, yes. Maria kept dating these youngsters that needed rearing, and couldn't seem to function without someone doing something for them. They'd claim their manliness all over the place, yet when it came down to it, they were replacing their moms with their girlfriend, i.e. Maria. Maria is a producer at MSNBC(so you know I changed her name, duh), so she's doing quite well for herself. She's 28 and the last guy she dated was 25, but was turning 26 in two months (he actually said that which shows just how immature he was). To the naked eye, you'd think it was only a two year gap, but you'd be thinking very wrong. If you look closer, you'd see that he's still trying to figure out if he can run back to the safety of graduate school, while she's putting together nationally broadcast news segments. He's ordering takeout four days a week, while she's having her groceries delivered by Fairway, so she can cook for the week. He's still out tossing back Blue Moon's and partying it up on the weekends, while she's grabbing drinks with friends and colleagues and enjoying a nice night in with a bottle of Pinot Noir. There's just a slight tweaking that occurs during those few years where you get closer to thirty verses closer to twenty-five. In fact, he's still checking the 18-25 box and, well, Maria is not.
Sure, it's fun to date someone younger than you. A friend of mine said that even if he or she is just a few years younger, it still brings you back to your youth (which everyone seems to long for)and the same goes for dating someone older. They pull you up to that level, but unfortunately, someone also gets brought down. Let me not that we're not talking about the guys Steve Harvey uses as examples in his book-we're talking about young guys who have no problem texting entire conversations (um, pick up the phone), or tweeting all their business as it pertains to you. We're talking about guys who will meet you at the restaurant verses bring their ass to your apartment to scoop you up in the cab. We're talking about this generation of guys that thinks it's totally okay for you to open your own door or (gasp) pay for your own movie, meal, whatever. This generation of youngsters is way off on the dating criteria, so why not leave them alone and let them deal with the other toddlers on the playground.
That bitch stole my line,
.xoxo Blackie Collins