Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hot Dog in the City

Why do we always want what we can’t have and yet the minute it’s being served up on a bun at your nearest hot dog cart, we want it about as badly as we want, well, a hot dog from a nasty vendor. It seems the trend of the chase is always in high demand and apparently never sells out. I’ve noticed from every pick up artist to every settled down couple that there is always a chase. Whether it be from the unreturned phone call (planned of course) to the hold out on sex from a housewife who’s sick of being ignored (which happens, but is absolutely ludicrous-why must I miss out because you’re being punished?), there is always the need for this race to the most desired. Whoever is desired most or wanted most, wins.

My friend Jenny had just started dating this wonderful (aren’t they always in the beginning?) guy, Jack a couple weeks back. She was thoroughly excited as she ticked off the checklist of must’s that Jack fulfilled. He was an investment banker at a huge company, graduated from a top notch college, and was rumored to have a family swimming in money. She would regale me with stories from their dates; how all they did was laugh and how they miraculously had the same sense of humor and wit. The icing on the cake (or ketchup on the hot dog if we stay with our analogy) was that the sex was amazing…well, the prerequisite to sex was amazing. Jenny was making him wait. I found this quite strange. Honestly, there are few women left in this city who are holding out beyond date number three (I’m being incredibly kind here-I know you first date chicks are out there in droves). But Jenny truly believed that if she made him chase after her and of course, it, she’d win him in the long run.

This old adage has stood the test of time. It’s a large part of the chase- possibly the biggest and I took it to my male friends to get the real answer. Matthew is my sister’s boyfriend (soon to be her betrothed if he plays his cards right). He’s a tall, dark and handsome lawyer who’s enamored with my sister and never raises his voice. He vaguely remembered my sister holding out on him, but couldn’t quite remember whether or not it played a part in what he thought of her. He did remember that it definitely kept him around, he was intrigued, but he truly believes that he was interested in her not just her gash. However, Matthew’s best friend, Jonah, who believes he’s the number one pick up artist in America, disagreed completely. Jonah said that if he was (and I quote) “putting in work with a girl and kicking it that hard with her and not getting any, he’d be out.” Men are so eloquent these days. Now did Jack want Jenny? It'd be fair to say that at some point he did, otherwise there would have been no chase in the first place. However, he obviously didn't want Jenny enough to put in any kind of work whatsoever (unless it was the kind of work that's done with his little hot dog, which we're not counting, nor should you).

Unfortunately, there are more Jonah’s running around than Matthew’s and even more unfortunate, Jenny ended up with a ‘Jonah.’ We never actually found out what happened, but the fabulous and wonderful Jack eventually stopped calling and Jenny was left wondering if she should’ve just given in and let him squirt mustard all over her bun. Amazing, Jenny didn’t even think for a second that he was just a silly boy who was pretending to be a man. She immediately thought she did something wrong…but that’s for a whole nother day, kids.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo Blackie Collins

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