*****Author's Note: Sometimes I need you kids to knock my brain around and help me out. What Should Blackie Do?*****
As usual, I was glued to a gossip blog while I was supposed to be doing some sort of work related task, when yet another story popped up about the Alicia Keys/Swizz Beats/Mashonda love triangle that had more saga than Twilight. Seriously, this thing just won't go to bed. There's gotta be something else going on somewhere in the world. Surely, Mariah Carey has finally had a baby or Lindsay Lohan has killed her bunk mate, making her the queen bitch of her cellblock. At any rate, as usual, it got me thinking and as if kindred spirits, an IM popped up on my G-chat. It was Maria.
Maria: Have you seen the pictures of Baby Kenzo? I think I wanna eat him up.
B: No, but I'm worried about the oldest. I think she's going to have weight problems. Have you seen Kimora's neck lately? She's funny tho, so I still love her.
Maria: Do they do neck lifts? I'm sure they do.
B: Speaking of necks, where are you in the gossip blogsphere?
Maria: That has nothing to do with necks and I've got three windows going: E!, TMZ, The YBF. More crap about Alicia Hoes and Swizzy Stick.
B: Stop. Over it. Let's talk about Kimora's neck again.
Maria: I think I'm going to throw out my Alicia albums and I'm never watching Secret Life of Bees again.
B: Who still buys albums? I don't want to talk about them, you know it pisses me off. Stop acting like we know them. We don't and we've both had married men moments before.
Maria: I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.
B: Uh-huh, that's what I thought. I'm totally on this new thing: I can't say what I would do in any situation until I'm in it. No judgement unless I've been there. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Maria: I guess, but you're kicking it to a 24 year old, so doesn't that have a canceling effect?
B: I plead the fifth.
Maria: Yea, fifth GRADER...
Aside from the fact that it's amazing Maria and I still have jobs, I really felt like I was onto something with my new no judgement thing. Maria knows me well though and dug into me like a pair of Lee Press-On Nails until I came out with where this train of thought was really coming from. I've been quite vocal in my defense of Alicia Keys in the whole situation, so I won't go into it again, but I do know one thing: I don't know their situation. I know rumors, which is usually somewhere between true and false, but I don't know exactly what happened. I do, however, know my own situation. I met Tim a few weeks ago. He works in finance, is quite easy on the eyes with the exception of him being light skin and oddly resembling my dad in his young days, and is completely smitten by yours truly. I'm not pressed to talk to him, which seemingly fuels his fire to get in touch with me, but when we talk it's always for no less than an hour. Apparently two people who like to talk can run up a phone bill. Thank goodness for unlimited minutes. During our last conversation, I asked Tim why he lived out in the 'burbs. I know fishy when I smell it and I had to ask before I expelled another T-Mobile minute. Tim hemmed and hawed, but assured me he was going to tell me the truth, which was that Tim got his girlfriend pregnant during his senior year in college and "did the right thing" by marrying her. Fast forward another year and Tim welcomed another son into his suburban, white-picket fenced world. Shortly thereafter, he realized that making others happy while neglecting your own jubilee, does not a happy life make and they separated. Enter me. Here's the issue on the table: this guy has told me the entire ugly truth. The worst part being that he still hasn't technically moved out of the house they own. She lives in the master bedroom and he in another bedroom until he finds other accommodations. Now, I'm no idiot, so I told him this sounded like a horrible case of married man syndrome and that if we fast forwarded five years, I'd still be waiting for him to "find the right time" to move out all while he's still sneaking into the master bedroom to knock some boots. No, thank you. I could tell he felt badly and when he tentatively asked if we'd talk again after the big reveal, I was honest and told him I really didn't know. That's an awful lot of baggage to load on the dock, my dude. I'm not interested in being anyone's stepmom anytime soon nor am I interested in being the other woman. But what if I'm not? What if what he says is the honest to goodness truth and they are separated. I've never been in a situation like this and I do genuinely like the guy. With all the bull galloping around, it's refreshing to have honesty served straight up, no chaser. So here I am, wondering if I made the right decision. And I'm 89% sure I'm not going back on that decision, but we all know how 11% can turn into you are 99.9% not the father! You get my drift though. Anyone out there been in this neck of the woods before? Oh, and I'm not taking any comments on the 24 year old unless you've been there. What, whaaaaat?
That bitch stole my line,
xoxo
Blackie Collins
While I haven't been in your exact shoes, I have been in the separated wife's shoes. It is entirely possible he's telling you the truth. My ex-husband and I were separated but for financial reasons were still living under the same roof so I can testify that it certainly happens.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I would strongly caution against getting involved at this point. Even if he's telling the truth (which he may not be), if he's still living in the same house, the separation is likely new which means emotions are raw. A newly separated wife, still living in the same house is a recipe for heavy drama. Better to stay clear until his situation is finalized.
Best of luck either way!
While I agree that honesty is great, I still think you should move on. I think dude has way too much going on in his life and just needs to focus on figuring out his next moves. He can't really give you the attention or time you deserve if he has two kids and going through a divorce. Seems like everyone in this situation deserves better, but that doesn't mean you guys are going to get it from each other. Move on...
ReplyDeleteWow. That's A LOT to deal with. I dated a guy with a daughter before and things actually worked pretty good but it took so long to actually get to the good part. Between arguments with his ex wife, weekend with his daughter, and working out custody agreements, it was extremely exhausting. Once things were in a more stable, calm place between he and his ex wife (something that took months to even begin to happen), it was a way better relationship, but I'm warning you. It's a very delicate relationship to approach. One where the rules are just different and the relationship isn't just about you two, it's about you, him, the kids, and the ex. It's hard. In the end, it didn't work for various reasons, one being that I was tired and wanted something simple.
ReplyDeleteI hope it works out at some point, but I agree with the above comments. Perhaps now it's bad timing. He should wait until after he's moved out and found some balance in his life.
I'm with all three previous comments. Your not pyschic, so cant really determine if guy's lieing or not. However, you do know YOU! Are you willing to deal with dude's situation or you find it too much to deal with? For me, I'll take this entire situation not seriously with casual convo and dates. AND continue to mingle with other opposite sex. Let him get his stuff together and in the mean time just have simple convo (luv great convos with the opposite sex!) Hope this helps!
ReplyDelete- A.D.
I don't mind him being separated... my problem is him living in the house still. I'd say call me when you get your ish in order...right now it's just a bit too messy.
ReplyDeleteWell I guess I'll be the only man's perspective. Funny reading this because I am in the identical situation. True, emotions are raw and the future is not truly determined. Speaking from being in the same shoes, dude honestly needs a relief. He probably wasn't pursing a serious relationship but just a breath of fresh air. Him being completely honest about the situation, I bet if you asked what did he want I would be head on.
ReplyDelete@luvtheshoes my parents were separated for years before the divorce went through-but they were in separate households too. So, I know it's a possibility, but I gotta agree with those who've said it's the fact that he still lives in with her. I dated a guy once who was broken up w/ his gf, but since they were still in a lease, they stayed in their apartment. It was hell. Eventually they got back together after we stopped seeing each other. No surprise there.
ReplyDelete@dirty south actually this dude is soooo into me. He's all, "I know this sounds crazy, but I want to give you the world." I threw up and then told him that wouldn't be necessary...
I'm pretty okay with being a breath of fresh air for someone, but um, hello, can I breathe too? I think he'll have to be put on ice until his situation cools off.
ur right, put him on ice AND close the freezer door.
ReplyDeletewhile i can appreciate his honesty as most men speak Lie-ese...if the truth is ugly AND complicated, you can do with it what you will.
take it like you find it, or leave it like it is.
i know the older you get, the more "situations" you will encounter, but this....nah.