It's Not So Hard To Say Goodbye: An Addendum

Since writing last weeks post on the permanent hang up (Just Be A Man About It), I've noticed an obscene number of friends-both male and female-who have succumbed to the notion of just never picking up the phone again. Instead, everyone just sticks their head in the sand and pretends the other person doesn't exist. But they do! And This. Is. Rude!

Puh-lease, grow up, pick up the phone-or shoot a text, get up the courage and say something baby! Its not hard! And even if it was, cry me a river.

"Hey, look I don't think this is going to work out. I just don't see anything romantic here. Take care."** I know, I know, shouldn't you just take a look at the context clues? S/He hasn't called you back, s/he obviously doesn't want to...isn't that your answer right there? What more do you need? I'm glad you asked and here's my answer: people (women) need closure like air and they can also get quite blinded, quite easily. Aide that with their expert ability at making excuses for men and you get a whole lot of stage five cling on's. Saran Wrap.

But just incase you still don't believe me. Here's some more reasons I came up with while ranting in response to a female friend of mine who has been complaining about this guy all but stalking her in his attempts at getting her out on a real date. She swears he's corny and gets on her nerves now, so she just doesn't respond, hoping he'll get the point. But in the meantime, she could just tell him to back off and not have to wake up to three hundred texts from him each day. Anyway, reasons, the reasons that we're here...

One, it doesn't make you a pu$$y ass punk. If anything, you become the cool dude who was nice enough to sever a tie or two. And when you happen to run into her because you're now dating her friend, well she just might give you the friend stamp of approval, which is more important than the damn purple heart. (Or she might not. Girls ain't called bitches for nothing.)

Two, you never know what kind of bridge you're burning. I dated a guy while I was in grad school. He was cool, but wasn't exactly done sowing his wild oats and true to my (old/young) fashion, I screened him something serious. I might've even publicly cussed him out and then to top it off, refused his phone calls. Guess when I saw him next? At a job interview a few years later. He was on the OTHER side of the table. Right. You can guess whether or not I got that job.

And three, your ego cannot be so inflated that you truly don't believe you're life is so much more important or busy that you don't HAVE to bother with silly little minions you dated. Please, if you're that arrogant, they probably don't care if you call anyway but when you do, they say: well, s/he's not that bad I guess. I've said countless times that I'm all about no beef left behind (unless it's a burger from anywhere, but Bar89) so I always try to leave a situation wrapped up like a Macy's wrapped gift. Never bringing a situation to a close properly is wrapping it in newspaper that my dog peed on.

I guess I just believe in no burned bridges unless absolutely necessary. I guess I'm just a really nice, kind-hearted, amazing person. Besides awkward run-ins suck. Ducking into the cereal aisle or hiding behind a friend at a party just screams lame to me and when that can be avoided, I go ahead and take the road less lamely traveled. The road paved with good intentions and phone calls.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo

Blackie Collins

**I love the phrase "take care." It's so simple and yet there's something so f*ck you about it, but in one of those kill 'em with kindness sort of ways. One of those final-you-have-no-say type of goodbyes that you can't really be mad at because they didn't say something like, well, f*ck you. It's like calling someone delusional. It's a nice way of saying they're stupid crazy and should be shipped off to Bellevue.*