Monday, June 28, 2010

Just Be A Man About It

I'd like to talk about the guys who never call again. The ones who just suddenly, without explanation or warrant just stop calling. You have no clue what happened, what went wrong. You just looked up one day and realized you hadn't heard from them in weeks.

Now, contrary to belief, I'm actually a very forgiving person. I do believe in the three strikes method, I love a good second chance, so you get a few. But make no mistake, once those chances are up, and I get to decide what denotes a chance (it could be something as small as an unanswered text), it really is a done deal. I spent many a young year being extremely over forgiving, allowing people to do what they wanted, a simple "sorry" doing the trick and fixing all. People tend to take you for a pushover and mistake kindness for weakness. I stopped that long ago. Instead now, I understand that people are people and that means they make mistakes, but I also live by the notion that people innately do what they want to do and anything outside of that simply isn't important enough to them. I also think you should pay much more attention to the actions of men verses what comes out their mouths. So, if they say they'll call and then they don't, well, that's pretty easy. I've learned the charm that drips from their lips sounds good, but most times, that's about it. I find that those who actually do what they say they'll do and even the things they never mention, are the ones you should believe. Hard lessons got me to those conclusions, but thank goodness I finally got the message.

Now back to the "Fall Off Boy." First and foremost, it's rude. I believe those sort of mean actions were meant to be left behind in childhood. Someone stole your shovel in the sandbox and just like that, they were no longer your friend. You ignored them completely, no longer shared your snacks with them at lunch, acted as if they never existed in the first place. But at the grown woman/man age, it's just silly and unnecessary to go there. I know it's easier to be a coward and just stick your head in the sand, but in the end, the one who misses out on what's going on above ground is you. See, its entirely feasible for people to part ways amicably, to realize they aren't right for each other in a romantic way and simply go their separate directions. No harm done, no love lost. You just have a conversation, decide it's a wrap, and keep it jumpin, maybe even find that a great friendship is there. You'd think guys would want to do unto other women the same way they'd want someone to do unto their mothers or sisters. But instead they neglect the simplest option. Hell, we all do. We over complicate to a point where it seems easier to just hit the ignore button or never pick up the phone and call again.

I'm trying to recall the times in my life when I just stopped contact with someone more or less out of nowhere. And the more I comb my brain, I realize I've never done that. For a few a reasons. One, I like people to know exactly why I'm not talking to them anymore. Hell, I never don't leave a tip for a server at a restaurant if their performance was less than great. Instead, I leave them a bad tip like 10% and I tell the manager exactly why so they are well aware that I know how to tip, and that the responsibility fell on them. I'm all about accountability, so if someone has done far too much hurt or is just negative in my life, they usually know exactly why they're being pushed out of the inner circle. Besides I like having the last word, my competitive side craves it. Secondly, I honestly don't have beef with people like that. Even if things ended less than cordial (which rarely happens), I still act like I have some sense when I run into them on the street. I once dated a guy who royally pissed me off when we broke things off and I mean royally, he screwed the hell out of me-and not in a good way. I ran into him mere weeks after the whole debacle went down and I smiled, said hello, answered the prerequisite "how are things" questions and then excused myself, claiming I had to get to my destination, which was in fact true. I'm sure he was shocked, probably expected me to grow horns and stab him with a pitchfork, but nope. He knew how I felt, knew he did me dirty, and that was basically that. But say we'd had the same bad break up and hadn't settled the score, things are neither forgiven nor forgotten, so instead when you experience that run-in, it's either the dodge and pretend you didn't see each other method or a third world war. Lastly, I genuinely believe in people. I'm a good person and I expect others to meet that expectation. I hate when people say, "Oh, that's how s/he is," or "You can't expect much from people." Why the hell not? At the basic foundation, we're all human beings and some level of respect should be given just because. I don't believe in treating people badly, at least not in an outwardly malicious way. If I hurt someone's feelings, you can bet 9 times out of 10, it was completely unintentional. But ignoring a text or phone call, going out of your way to specifically not call them back, cut them out, is very much intentional, it's premeditated, in fact, you should go to jail for it. I'm kidding, but in the end, having no morality clause will leave you in one place: alone, and no matter how many times you try to reach out to others, they're gonna hit the ignore button on you without giving it a second thought.

How do you handle the permanent hang up? Do you keep at it until they change their number (I don't recommend) or do you just say oh well and thank your lucky stars that person is out of your life? Why do guys just never call again?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. great post. just voted for u for weblog:) love your blog!

  2. Great post! I have a question though, what do you do (or say) when a guy continues to call and text AFTER you've told him you rather not keep in contact? And I don't mean a once in a blue moon thing, I mean calling EVERY.SINGLE.HOUR!!!

  3. Its a good question and I'm guilty of it as well. When I don't call again it could be a number of reasons.

    I was too busy and you weren't important enough to make time for. Then I looked up and realized 5 days had passed and felt I probably wouldn't have a good enough excuse so I just said oh well.

    I started talking to an ex. Self-explanatory.

    You liked me more. It happens. Its happening to me now. This guy likes me waaaay more than I like him. I think he's confusing physical attraction for actual emotions.

    Since I am not 21 anymore, I am going to show him respect and actually end things with him instead of disappearing. Because I know how it feels. Sorry I was so long winded. I was actually working on a post when I saw you posted this.

    Carry on...

  4. "Hard lessons got me to those conclusions, but thank goodness I finally got the message."

    Such simple words but when you finally get the message it feels too darn good!

  5. @12:08 thank you!!!

    @trubeauty keep ignoring in that case. he'll stop after a while. if he doesn't, i suggest having a guy friend call and settle it permanently or change ur number, sucks, but truth.

    @SS i agree with all 3 points and even more on the whole "but im not 21 anymore" issue. that's the major factor in my post. aren't we supposed to be grown ups now? u go ahead and put the kabash on that and be done.