Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The First Date

**Hey kids, it's time to vote for the 2010 Black Weblog Awards. Go vote Blackie Collins as The Blog To Watch (too bad they don't have a category for your favorite bitch of all time). It's easy! Just go to this link and nominate B by putting in in the proper categories, especially Blog to Watch. Don't let these bitches steal our award!!**

The first date is a bit of a mind game. While, it's literally just an outing with someone you've usually just met, it somehow morphs itself into the deal of the century. The anticipation, the possible scenarios you create in your imagination of how it could nosedive quicker than Lindsay Lohan's career are what make the first date such a scary one. I've had some great first dates. In fact, I don't think I've ever been on a first date that didn't garner a second one. Now, I might've declined the offer, but that's not the point. The point is that I have dope first dates, people! And you can too! Of course, personality is important. There can't be any chemistry if you just sit there with your lips zipped. I'm going to tell you what I told my little sister when she competed in her first pageant. "You have to be the best you, the heightened you. The you that we get when you're in the best mood, lost the ten pounds you wanted to lose, having the best hair day, and just got your dream job." Not the regular you. No, there's no room for that person on a first date. It's about first impressions, about making enough of a stamp that something pops verses fizzles.

Sometimes you can't control the chemistry factor, but you can control the geographical location of the date. Part of the equation is being somewhere where the ice breaks easily. Where fun is at the top of the menu. Gone are the movies, where you can't even talk to each other-and if you do, I might punch you for talking in the theater. Gone are the boring restaurant dinners, yeah, they're nice, but come on, this is New York City. You can be more creative than that. Or maybe you can't. So here you go. In no particular order, my favorite first date locations:

A Walk to Remember. Hated the movie, love the actual idea. This city is perfect for a leisure stroll. You could walk down the Westside Highway or walk through Central Park at dusk-careful of the rats (which you could totally use to your advantage). If neither of those places work, or if they're a bit too quiet and intimate, walk through the village or Soho. There's plenty of people, noise that can be a distraction should the conversation hit a lull and tons of restaurants and dessert establishments to pop into and grab a bite. All the while, you can get to know each other, chat it up, maybe hold hands (insert girly giggle), but if the date isn't going so hot, the city is full of these lovely little yellow cars that will snatch you away, into the night without a second thought of the busted date.

Karaoke. This is one of the best ideas I ever had. Think about it. Karaoke bars are loud and obnoxious and provide plenty of entertainment. You can laugh at the horribly, depressing drunk who inevitably gets up and sings some horrible rendition of Journey's City or the hopeful singer who takes karaoke night oh so seriously and blows out Fallen by Alicia Keys. You can do a duet together, which is always fun, and if you suck, it's even better. If you're a great singer, he'll be impressed. It's a win/win. But don't get too drunk. That could ruin any date fast. Don't think wild, wanton, drunken sex either. Think him holding your hair, grossed out, while you blow chunks in the gutter outside.

Sporting Events. These little gems are the best first dates. I did a first date at a basketball game once. I'm not such a big basketball fan and my date was the second coming of Kareem Abdul Jabar, so the whole night was dedicated to him explaining why a foul was a foul and me jumping up and shouting foul at all the wrong times. Instead of thinking I was an idiot, he thought it adorable and loved feeling like I needed his help. We had drinks after the game and several dates after. Yankees games are hysterical fun and you don't have to love baseball to have a good time at the games. Hot dogs and beer, a warm night across the bridge, lots of screaming, crazy New Yorkers...sounds like a ho in a hostel; the perfect combination. And don't get me started on football. That's probably not the best first date for me, because I'm a complete nut case when it comes to my favorite sport. Yea, I'll just stay in the house for those.

Chelsea Piers. Anything that involves miniature golf, batting cages, go carts, arcades, or bowling is a great first date. There can be a fun competition as you race each other around the track, cheer each other on in the batting cages, or enjoy a little victory smooch when someone gets a strike in the bowling lanes. It's a great time. You f*ck that date up and I don't know what to tell you. I guess you could hit him the teeth with you golf club by accident. I've seen it happen. It sucks.

Drinks/Bars. Ok, if you're just dying at these choices, fine go to a bar and enjoy a drink together. Liquor will loosen the mood and let your nerves quell. As I said before, don'.t get. trashed.

If you can't tell by now, the running theme in my favorite first dates is that they're all active! Sitting in a chair at a restaurant, staring awkwardly into each others foreheads screams pressure, in my opinion, and since I'm the dating expert, you should listen. Thank you and good night.

What are you favorite first dates?! Or even the nightmare ones. Every story creates a great learning curve and the really bad ones, at the very least, will make me laugh.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

1 comment:

  1. i was working on a show in florida and one of my cast mates asked me out on a date. we went to Medieval Place near disney. It was the oddest thing ever, but us both being actors, we were open to whatever. It was seriously one of the best dates ever. We were together for 2 yrs too!