Starbitch

Chicks are funny. And bold. And ridiculous. Here's why: 

I'm standing in line at my favorite Starbucks. With him.  We're clearly a couple in some capacity.  For starters, we're together in the first place.  For finishers, we have the kind of familiarity that only comes from, well, finishing each other off.  He's gotten his coffee from Dunkin Donuts as we all know DD has tastier coffee and cheaper prices.  I lean on the counter and tell the female barista my order and turn to him.  He's paying.  That should've been another clue, but she isn't quick on the uptake.  Instead she asks him how he could come into Starbucks with a Dunkin Donuts container. Before he can formulate an answer, I laugh and explain that DD has better coffee, but Starbucks has soy milk, so she can do the math.  

(Shout out to DD. Please get soy milk, thanks!)I'm thinking this is a friendly conversation.  

I am misinformed apparently.  

She blatantly looks at him and says something unimportant. What is important is the manner in which she says it.  I am no idiot and I'm an amazing flirt, so I can tell from a mile away no matter the subtly. She isn't subtle.  The flirtation is seeping over her lips.  Dripping.  Thank goodness she's wearing an apron. 

I stop laughing and step back to double check the exchange.  He pays, says something in response- a joke about how he works at DD (he does not) which is why he drinks the coffee.  She laughs and says her life is Starbucks, she's in it for the long haul.  Too bad, so sad.  Then she hands him a packet of sample blend.  It's promotional. 

Is she promoting coffee or coochie?  

I cross my arms and move over to the pick up area, keeping my eyes on them.  Men are so oblivious, but not this one.  One of the things I like about him is that he's intelligent, perceptive, open, aware, creative, honest.  When he comes over, he asks why I walked away.  I tell him I wanted to give them their moment.  They seemed to be enjoying each so much.  Let's be clear. I am NOT the jealous type but I am a scorpio and I do sting. You will know when I'm not pleased.  He laughs and says, "ooh, no. That was all her." Whatever.  She is not worth it (and he isn't either, yet), but I do say some choice words within ear shot on the way out.  He points to a sign that says the promotion doesn't start until next week. She slipped it too him early, did him some sort of favor to bring him to the Starbucks side. Her side. I accidentally knock it from his hands and then step on it.  Its covered in nyc street grit. 

Whoops.

That bitch stole my line (and tried to steal my man)

xoxo

Blackie Collins