Friday, September 10, 2010

Little Bits: Bag It Up

I hear some funny things, some astounding things, and then I hear some extremely stupid things. Mostly the last one right there. I have a friend who's quite attractive actually. He has a great job, dope body, lots of friends, the proverbial whole package.


He doesn't wear condoms. Not because he's allergic, not because they don't fit (o_O), but because he just doesn't like them. Doesn't want to wear them.

I hate this phrase, but I know you need time, so Pause.

There are tons of things wrong with this guy. One being he's engaged and cheats, so he's out there raw dogging and then coming home and sleeping with his fiance sans condom. The second reason this idiot is of note is the fact that he still gets a ridiculous number of willing participants to hit the sack with him. I know a good number of chicks he's boned and while many say he's great in bed, I think that point is completely moot. Anyone's sex is turned up a notch bare back. In fact, I told my teenage brother to never ever have sex without a condom, not just because it's unsafe, but because it feels too damn good and if you never know what it feels like, you'll never want it.

Whenever I hear about his crap, I'm always stuck on how successful he is at bagging girls without a bag. Like how does he get away with that? Who says yes to this kind of proposition? Who willingly knocks on that door, pushes it open and just moves on in nestling in somewhere between itchy and burny? I imagine the conversation goes something like this:

Him: oooh, you feel so sexy, I can't wait to give you the business.

Her: yea, daddy, me too. I can't wait, so let's get to that business.

Him: you want this business right here?

Her: uhhuh, let's take care of this condom business first though

Him: nah, shorty, I don't like that kinda business. but i can assure you my business is so fresh and so clean. i got an MBA-that's how great my business is.

Her: oh wow, you're so smart. gimme that business, big daddy!

Yep, I bet the conversation goes just like that. Too bad the only business she's getting comes from a stork in about nine months. Or worse. I just don't understand how this is okay in 2010. How can you go around talking about "you don't want to wear a condom?" People in hell want ice water, but that doesn't mean they get it. It's silly and stupid and what's worse are the girls who still lay down with him, still decide to take a chance. Sure, sometimes you should take the risk, take a chance, but you only do that on small matters like, "hmm, I'm gonna chance these scrambled eggs my three year old niece made with her toes," or "I think I'll risk missing this meeting because of the DVF sample sale across town." Not your life! Dude, sit all the way down, and when you get there, put a condom on just in case some girl trips and falls on your dumb ass.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. yes, in 2010 this still exists. I don't find this shocking at all - not one bit. I'm just shocked on how he's able to 'bag' so many girls still. Must got that good good...

  2. Okay...when the stupid chick say 'yes' to Raw-Dawg Ronnie the fast talking older white guy in a suit comes from under the bed and in his best speed auction host voice explains to her briefly why this careless act is sooo WRONG! He will then give her 3 names of cute availabe RESPONSIBLE guys that she can have instead of Raw-Dawg Ronnie. I know it would never happen but in MY world each time a person try to bang without protection Speed-Racer Auction guy will pop up! Hell, I could care less about your friends sorry butt or the dumb chicks that allow him to do this but it's his fiance whose in the dark that I feel for. Damn.....


  3. people stupid. and he is wrong on so many levels. but i do not feel sorry for the fiancee. b/c imo...she knows. if the mutherhugger is rawdogging u and u KNOW that men cheat (hello, they are only as faithful as their options!) then you know he is raw dogging the jump offs. both of them are hella dumb and deserve each other!