Monday, September 20, 2010

A Trip to the Dentist

I was on the phone with my mother today and she was prattling on about the neighborhood gossip, things she knows I don't care about, but I listen to anyway, because that's what funny mothers and loving daughters do. She was going on about our dentist getting re-married and how he hadn't married the woman he'd been dating for a zillion years-since his divorce from one of my mom's good friends-and had married a more recent girlfriend instead.

I didn't care much, but I played along and asked why?

My mom went on to explain that the previous girlfriend wanted kids badly and despite him informing her throughout their relationship that he had many a grown child, eight grandchildren, and no, he didn't want anymore of either, she stuck around, trying to pry him away from his steadfast decision, maybe popped a few holes in a couple condoms, whatever. In the end, she got dumped and he married a fifty-something who had no desire to harvest some eggs she'd frozen back in the Ice Age.

It always amazes me the lengths women will go to keep a man. I don't mean the obvious, more insane tactics like trapping a man with a baby (which clearly works so well), I mean sacrificing in such a way where you'd have to be delusional at worst, demented at best to believe you will come out victorious or happy. Women make all these lists with their mate requirements (like be nice to me), then go on the biggest detour, clinging onto men who couldn't be further from that list. Yes, he's fine and make your legs melt, but he doesn't call you back, treats you like a mere option, and is oddly secretive among other issues. 2 out of 20 is not winning, babe. I mean this woman was willing to waste more time trying to release water from a rock rather than head on over to the lake and get herself an endless supply. She clearly wanted a child more than she wanted a husband (even though she might've convinced herself otherwise), so why didn't she just go get one? Like with someone who wanted one?

My guess is she didn't want to be alone and starting over at square one with a new man probably seemed less enjoyable than swallowing razor blades hidden under J-Woww's tongue. It's no secret women feel they have the cards stacked against them when it comes to relationships. Men have the numbers so they get their pick and many never pick anyway, so women must take what comes their way. Exciting prospects, seriously.

The truth is women fear being alone like the plague itself, so their ability to put up with bullsh*t, sacrifice their wants and needs, and compromise themselves is uncanny. Why do we do this?! When you compromise yourself, you don't have much left and the man you're bending over backwards for is probably going to be the first to lose respect for you and bounce anyway. He said no kids. Not ask again tomorrow, outlook cloudy, or any other 8-ball ambiguous response. He said none. That's pretty finite, and while people change their minds often, it's usually like, "I decided to have the chicken tarragon instead of the salmon for lunch," rather than, "I decided I wouldn't mind stopping my life, rewinding the clock, and having another child that was will creepily be younger than my grandchildren."

Unlike women, men are pretty simple, so no means no, my brother (are you deaf sucka?). So, when a man says, "I'm not doing this, I'm unhappy," they usually do just that. Women say, "I'm unhappy, but I'm sure this is just a rough patch," and go on to fight like Layla Ali, assuming they'll win the wifey title when it's all said and done. Meanwhile, it was over long before you ever stepped in the ring.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins


  1. Funny (& insightful) Post Blackie. I think that perhaps the single most important ability women need to concentrate on is the ABILITY to be HAPPY with their OWN company. How much more powerful would this woman be if she said "No Kids? Thats fine-I'm outta here!" but she did not have that confidence to be on her own.
    You mentioned the 'list' we have when searching for a mate. I think this is a great idea but after we write out that list we should take a good hard look in the mirror and see how WE measure up to that list. IF I am a 350lb ,unemployed 3 pack a day smoker with drug abuse issues , seriously what are my chances with my list that nominates a 5'10" uber babe , that can run a half marathon in 2'10" and earns $500k per annum. Two essentials in life are BALANCE and REALITY. :-))

  2. great post....and yes there are women who will ignore what the man is clearly stating what he wants. Now what about the women who embrace what these women are trying so desperately to not have: single, space, alone-time....I mean is it wrong to secretly not date or give excuse to avoid relationship due to just basically not wanting a relationship? So in other words, I'm the opposite of said woman dumped by the neighborhood's dentist. Is there something wrong with that too?


  3. women have been taking the brunt of the world for so long, when will we stop? We just take on everyone else's stuff, ignoring our own needs. It's such a beautiful disaster.

  4. @AD i don't have any problem w/ a woman who is very clear on what she wants and doesn't want. I don't think there's anything wrong at all. I guess the only problem would be if you started to "miss your blessings" because the desire to stay alone/single turns into a guard to keep out EVERYONE, even the good ones.

    @FINN yes the list. It must be balanced and realistic, of course. But i can't agree more w/ the happiness w/ ones OWN company. I remember i used to go to the movies by myself all the time in college (i still do), but ppl used to always say, "How do you do that? How do you go out to eat by yourself, sit in a movie theater alone? HOW?" Like i had solved the cure for cancer or something incredibly challenging. It's not that hard. You walk into the theater, sit down and watch the movie. I love it.

  5. love this post. the woman was acting like a man (not listening) HA!
    i am 40 something been married 2 x after the second, i was like: "maybe it's me" does that mean i dont want to get married again? no, but it sure does make me re-think the whole "marriage" thing and see that what we put into it (we being women) is < what we get out of it. No man is THAT great. yeah, there are some good ones left but...remember

  6. ha ha..they say a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience! I have no problems with a woman who clearly knows what she wants and if being single makes you happy ...more power to you. Much better to keep yourself happy and single, than 'do the kids adventure' to keep your mother happy.So in my opinion NOTHING wrong with you fact , you know what you want and are taking responsibilty for your own happiness! I would say there is a LOT 'right' about you. From a mans view, I would like a woman to WANT me , not NEED me. And believe me I can spot 'needy' from 250 yards (in the dark!):-))