Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Feast or Famine

Jump off's. Love them or hate them, they've been here forever and will continue to be. But that's not really the point of this post. The issue on the table is how long you should feast on a jump off? At some point the time will come when you've had your share and should move on or get another plate and stay a while. There's an expiration date on jump off's or casual sex partners. You simply can't consistently be intimate with someone, have all these slumber parties and not eventually catch the feelings flu.

Three to five months.

That's it. That's all you get before she starts asking what you do during daytime hours and he starts wondering what you look like with your clothes on. It isn't a lot of time, but it's just enough for the rules to change, the lines to blur, and the whole game to get f*cked-and not in the way you'd like to get f*cked.

I'm not saying you'll both feel this way. Some people stay in sexual relationships for months and months. You occasionally hear someone say, "we slept together off and on for years." But if you probe, you'll find the off and on sexual relationships usually span a few months before they cease and then start again a little while later. Either one of the two started dating someone else or they just grew bored. The point is it just can't go on too much longer or this imaginary dating curve comes along.

I have a friend, Dana, who called me, asking my opinion on a cut buddy of hers. She was irritated with his morning routine and how it got in the way of her snoozing when she slept over. My first question was how long she'd been sleeping with him. She said a few months. Then I asked her why she cared in the first place. While she tried to convince me, or herself, that she didn't care, I started thinking of the timeline and listening to what was between the lines coming out of Dana's mouth. Dana cared. Couldn't help it actually. She'd been intimate with him for just enough time to care about his morning habits. To care about anything outside of the sex business. She complained of him cuddling her the night before and then switching back to cut man in the morning. I pointed out that she couldn't really be thwarted by that when that is, in fact, what makes the cut just a cut. They're yours for the time being, but once morning comes, it's pretty much back to business as usual. Once I dug deeper, Dana realized she wanted something more than a guy that she only shared her sheets with. Dana wanted someone to share her life with. She'd spent too much time jumping off, making that cut go deep and no band-aid would heal it. She was wide open.

But he was not and when she stopped calling, he did too. So on to the next. Which is a great idea, but remember the window of opportunity is three to five months. After that, either sit down at the table and prepare for several courses or head over to McDonald's for fast food.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

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