Thursday, November 12, 2009

Sometimes it's cute to see a couple kissing on the street or holding hands as they walk ahead of us. Our eyes fall on them and linger for a second or two, imagining our own little lip lock earlier in the day or the boyfriend waiting for us at his subway stop, ready to usher us off, hand in hand. Yes, sometimes it's endearing, adorable, and sweet.

Sometimes it isn't.

Sometimes it's the kind of PDA that isn't a new smartphone, isn't some parental organization, isn't giving a gentle kiss on the corner of 72nd and Broadway. Sometimes your standing, minding you business, crushed in the rush hour crowd in the middle subway car. It seems like everyone decided to leave work at the same time and someone isn't quite so Sure. You're holding your breath, angling yourself away from the sweaty guy pressed up against you. Yet instead, you turn away and are face to face with a couple going at it. In fact, they're doing so much, in such close proximity, you're actually considering this your first threesome. It is no longer the cute moment of love you saw the model-esque pair in Soho sharing, this is more the couple who was basically having sex in the restroom at Bed last weekend. It's unnecessary and completely unacceptable. Kissing, yes. Sucking, fondling, gropping, no.

I understand how the feeling can overcome you. The feeling where you just have to grab your man and plant a giant sucker on their lips. I get how sometimes, you're riding along on the subway and you feel the need to hop on your dude and just take him. But you don't. You can't. Not because you have some sort of firewall, because obviously B has very few. You can't because of everyone else. Now, I rarely care what others think, but I care what I think, and I have no interest in having front row seats while he removes your tonsils with his tongue. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume everyone else shares my sentiment. Of course, there are the few pervs out there that wanna watch you get down, but, sorry, the majority of us just aren't interested in your sex life. But please by all means stay interested in mine:) Thanks! Management.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins

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