Saturday, August 8, 2009

This is the diary of what a girl wants. You think you know, but you have no idea...

Work was buzzing today-after all, it's Friday-with conversations ranging from weekend plans to our favorite positions (I work in a very liberal and free environment) when, as usual, the topic turned to relationships. This time it was Robert who's been seeing a certain girl for a few months. They're on the precipice of exclusivity, but aren't there just yet and judging from the crap coming out of Robert's mouth, they might never get to their destination. Robert is like many men in the sense that he thinks he knows how to make a woman happy; that if he just "does himself," she'll swoon and it'll be smooth sailing. Of course, I had to be the one to reel his boat back into the dock and let him know some of the mistakes he was making. Robert was a bit defensive at first, but once I started to explain why his current flame was (re)acting the way she was, he started to soften and ask questions (smart guy). It's wonderful when men move hubris out of the way and admit that they don't know everything-which is something of an enigma, but it does happen. It did with Robert and he learned a lot.

In lieu of this, I decided to do a little blog for my boys out there. Methinks you might need a bit of help in the ladies department, so read on if you're open-minded and genuinely care about your sex and dating life. Yes, they're connected. If you learn just a little bit about what women want, you'll be getting it in every way possible;)

This is a compilation disc by the way-I wouldn't sit here and tell you what women want based on my feelings alone, that'd be silly since you can't all have me contrary to popular desire. So without further adieu, here we go!

1. Make us laugh. This was the number one thing my friends said they wanted, perhaps even needed. We've all been there: on a date with a guy telling what's supposed to be a funny story. He's laughing so hard before he even gets to the punch line that you assume it's going to be the funniest thing you've ever heard. The punch line arrives right along with the entree and you look at the server for help like you might've missed the joke. We may give you a little giggle, but it's purely for you ego's sake (and because it'd be really awkward to just sit there). But on the contrast, when a woman finds a man that literally leaves her in stitches, it's safe to say he's in like flynn.

2. Sex. Yes, women love sex just as much as men do. When I was asking my friends for their list of wants, the horizontal mambo was always in the top two. There is nothing like great sex-nothing. I think we can all say that some relationships lasted a bit longer than they should've because you just couldn't let that lay go to someone else. And perhaps some lasted about two minutes because...well, you know why.

3. Communicator. It is no secret that women like to talk and you guys need to pull up your boot straps and open your mouths. We're interested in what's in your brain as well and if you've got good stuff going on in there and can communicate it above a college-graduate level, we'll be very intrigued indeed. And listening goes hand in and with communication, so yes, sometimes you can get by with a few "uh-huhs," but who doesn't want a good solid conversation. If you have no interest in conversing with her, you probably shouldn't even be with her.

4. No romance without finance. This is one that I just agree to disagree with-I have very fancy smancy taste, but I also fell in love with a teacher once upon a time and their salaries leave a lot to be desired, yet we still had the best of times together. However, this little tidbit came up quite a bit, masked in different ways, but still coming down to the same bottom line-stability. Women need an anchor that will keep them in place when stormy seas are at the gate. A man that will "take care" of them, provide, protect and all that stuff. One friend actually said that she needs a man who's good with money simply because she isn't and he provides accountability when she's on a spending spree. So start saving, boys. It's a recession anyway, so you should be already.

5. Wit. Please please please don't just sit there and let me go off. Sarcasm is perhaps my favorite word. I love witty banter and if you don't come with it, I. will. be. bored. And you'll be bored too, because I won't be around.

6. Confidence. I hate the word swagger-it became so overused that it lost its...well, swagger. But you can't knock that a man who has it, sigh... There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Arrogance is annoying and cockiness is worse. We are both great in some way, otherwise we wouldn't be attracted to each other, so please go put your high horse back in the stable. Pretty much every woman wanted a man that was self-assured, knew who he was, and was confident in his positive traits, but also knew that there were some things he just sucked at. However, while we don't want cocksure attitudes, we definitely don't want wimpy mcwimperton either. I like pants, but I don't want to wear them in our relationship-at least not all the time. A man who cannot stand for himself is a killer. I went on ONE date with a guy and while we were walking to the restaurant, I informed him that I have a major fear of rodents and if we see anything, I'm on his back. His response was: "I'm scared of them too, so we'll both be out of luck." I couldn't even deal with that. Pretend for goodness sake! Wimps suck.

6. Shoulder to cry on. Yes, we know we need to go to our girlfriends for most crying situations, but guess what, sometimes we want YOU. If it's cry-worthy, it's important, so show some compassion and catch the tears we squeeze out sometimes.

7. You have no control over this one, but it kept being said, so I have to put it in because obviously it matters to a lot of women. Height. I mean, what can I really say? For me, I don't usually date guys under 5'10, but I also have before because he cracked me up and laid it down, so, while you can't control the height requirement, you can control the others.

8. Don't take life too seriously. This sort of goes hand in hand with making us laugh, but make sure you can laugh at yourself and the world just as often. There's enough crap to deal with, if you look at it with as little seriousness as possible, it'll be more enjoyable for you and us, too.

9. Independence. No one likes a clinger. Get a life. The end.

10. Know that once a month some of us go crazy. Either run for cover or just shut up and take it. You have no idea what a woman's body goes through when it's literally ripping itself apart, so deal with it. However, please do not blame every argument on PMS, if you do, you will be single and dating women over 50 (they don't get periods anymore so you're in the clear).

Hope you learned something. I guarantee if you do at least a few of these, you'll be riding first class with clear skies.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins

No comments:

Post a Comment