This is exactly what I told Jen one Sunday brunch. Jen, CJ and I were all sidewalk cafe-ing it on the UES when Jen started talking about her latest relationship, or at least the one she was attempting to have with an artist whose real job appeared to be tending bar and assisting at a crappy art gallery in Brooklyn. She had only met him mere weeks ago and was already talking about how wonderful he was and that maybe this would be the one-at least for a little while. CJ and I exchanged cursory glances through her diatribe and when she finished, I simply nodded in his direction, giving him the go ahead to dig into her. This is exactly what Jenny does. She did it with her last relationship and the one before that. She does it with her mailman and her dog walker. Jenny gets super attached, super fast. Before she can even hit the ground walking, she's running. It's the classic walk before crawl syndrome and Jenny has it in droves. CJ asked her what it was she liked about the artist. Jen hemmed and hawed her way through an answer that involved the normal characteristics that could belong to any guy that waltzed into a room: he's funny, attractive, smart, witty, kind, etc. "But what about him specifically? What makes him so special? I mean, does he even deserve you?" CJ probed. She looked alarmed for a minute and immediately went on the defense. "Why are you asking me all these questions? Why can't you just accept that I'm happy and maybe entering into a solid relationship?"
"Because you're not," I piped in. Jen looked at me with a sneer that had betrayal written all over it. I went on to explain that she was making all the same mistakes she had in the past. Clinging on for dear life, falling hard, making mountains out of mole hills, expecting too much too soon from someone who is essentially a stranger. I always think of Jen as my little project pet. I feel like she's the package: she's intelligent, beautiful, funny as hell with a great job and from a wonderful balanced family (despite them being a divorced one). But Jen doesn't seem to see all that. Instead of thinking of herself as the prize, she finds herself lucky when some guy decides to grace her with his attention. It's sad actually because she is quite simply amazing and would be unstoppable if she would see that. But instead, she settles for second rate. She dates guys who are fine, yet she makes them into the second coming of Jesus. She takes every phone call, answers every text, chats on the phone until they say "gotta go" instead of playing it coy and getting off the phone first. She no longer makes them wait for sex. Instead she forges ahead, seeking intimacy on the second or third date (which I have no problem with usually, unless your Jen. There is a very specific type of guy or gal that can have sex early on and not be an emotional basket case-Jen isn't one of them). She puts all her eggs in one basket and expects her possible beau to lay it on just as thick and be her knight in shining fucking armor, which they never are. They never ever are because they are too busy chasing after the other girl who's giving him some sort of a challenge. The woman who says "gotta go" first. The woman he sees out with her friends instead of knowing that she's at home longing for his phone call. The woman who could care less if he's around or not-who feels like he'd be an addition to her excellence, not the reason for it. Jenny just falls short on that and I had to get her to face the facts. It was time for her to buck up and get it together. It was time for her to realize that she is just as deserving as the next and that there's no reason she can't have everything she longs for in a man. Sometimes you have to sit and take stock the same way you would take in the merchandise. Before you grab everything in site, figure out what works and what will look good on you versus what everyone is wearing or what everyone else wants in a pair of jeans. And if the exact pair isn't there, than please don't settle for your second choice. You deserve to have everything you want and more importantly, everything you need. So take a look at the stock of the men in your life and if he's anything less than full price, toss him back in the bin. A sale is always nice, but when you're shopping for love, it's best to pay retail.
That bitch stole my line,