Disappearing Acts

Scenario: You and BFF have an impenetrable bond. You hang out constantly, read each other's thoughts, talk on the phone until the wee hours of the morning and call each other sisters. Then BFF meets new boyfriend. At first, you hear all about him and advise her accordingly. But as the weeks and months roll by, you realize that those late night phone calls are few and far between and that you haven't seen said BFF since that DVF sample sale last May. You get a text here and there, but the contact has been cut, you've been cut, or shall we say, replaced? Yes, ladies, this blog is dedicated to the friends in our lives who disappear when they have a gentleman, yet reappear when that gentleman is as much a no show in your lives as she is.

Enter Lee. Lee's been a close friend of our's (my group of girlfriends from college) since freshman year. She's the free-floating, easy-going, beer-drinking, pot-smoking free spirit of our group. She's probably one of the smarted people I've ever met, yet it's a quiet intelligence-the kind that doesn't make you feel like an idiot when you talk to her about the GOP's stance on energy reform. Lee has the kind of personality that makes everyone fall in love with her and the energy that makes you want to get to know her if you don't already. However, that same quality that makes our friends love her is the same that keeps Lee in a relationship. Men flock to her naturally. Fear not, for Lee does have a flaw. She needs a man. She holds on for dear life and when one leaves, she automatically slides another one into his slot (oh where we could go with that pun). She's been in love several times-each one could be the one, she's quite hopeless really, and if it weren't for the fact that I love her, I'd feel slightly bad for her. I'd feel bad mostly because Lee seems to be the only one who doesn't realize her true potential. I have to believe that otherwise she's just another needy woman who isn't complete without some guy on her arm. I see Lee so rarely, it's frustrating-none of us really see her. Maria, another from our group, is closer with Lee than I am and she barely see's her either. We lament this fact quite often.

But Maria hung out with Lee this past weekend and as we all chatted over the phone, Maria let me know that Lee's latest boyfriend was out of town that weekend. CHA-CHING! I had been wondering what constituted this weekend frolic (since Maria's birthday party a month ago didn't warrant a rare Lee-sighting) and there it was in plain sight: the ball and chain was out of town, so Lee suddenly had some free time on her hands and of course she came running to her friends. But here's my issue-I love you dearly, I would see you once a year, if it were quality time spent, but what I can't do is be the constant runner up when your single or when he's not around. Is there a reason we don't get a second thought unless he's done something wrong and you need advice or he's gone off with his buddies? Don't you miss us? We sure as hell miss you. I have always believed in being a loyal friend and I continue to be just that whether I am attached or not. I suggest you do the same or risk being that friend who's looks we barely remember and can only recall when we last saw you based on Haley's comet.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo Blackie Collins