Friends with Bennies

I think I may have made a mistake. Hard to believe, I know, but I slept with one of my closest male friends and now we can't seem to stop. I have no problem with that part obviously, but the last time we did the deed, he not only hung around after, but (gasp) cuddled and coddled me. He kissed my forehead (have you seen The Best Man?) and just held onto me. For a long time. It was weird. I suddenly felt like I was his girlfriend or something and I wanted it to stop. Or maybe I wasn't sure if I wanted it to stop. I was confused. I was not prepared for this. My friend Marissa told me she didn't approve weeks ago-I couldn't help but hear her nagging voice in my head at that exact moment. Damnit! See, this is what happens when you add sex into a perfectly normal, platonic (obviously not entirely) friendship: feelings ensue. Think about it. Every person yearns for a relationship that is essentially with someone who is your best friend that you can't keep your hands off. So, you have a friend with whom you have amazing fun. You traipse the city getting into trouble, sneaking into movies (for the price of one), you enjoy long brunches at sidewalk cafes in the village, you laugh at the ensembles of desperate girls at parties/clubs, or cuddle on the couch when one is sick. He watches SATC reruns with you when you've been dumped and he tells you about his issues with women. Then one night, it just turns on suddenly (ok, not suddenly, there's been sexual tension in the past as there is in almost every opposite sexed friendship at some point-even if it isn't reciprocated). You wind up ripping each other's clothes off and going at it on the same couch you forced him to watch Pretty Woman on a month ago. My, how the tables turn. The other shoe has dropped. You are now officially having your cake and eating it too...or maybe, you're just screwed (pun absolutely intended). Can you really have the proverbial friend with benefits? You're essentially finding a cut buddy in someone you already know-and quite well. But there are rules that must be followed in regards to cut buddies-the first one: do not get attached. Sex without strings attached is almost impossible when it's your friend, though, correct, because the strings already exist. As he was kissing my forehead for the seventh time, I felt something-how could I not? I genuinely love this man already because he's one of my closest friends, but now there's a thicker layer there. In the throws of passion, I could've cared less, but in the afterglow, the smoke cleared and I thought, "Shit." Not the preferred thought, but I am starting to think that a major fuck-up has happened here. Someone will get hurt, heads will roll and perhaps the worst part: our friendship will probably never be the same. But, whether it'll be better or nonexistent is to be determined.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo Blackie Collins