Monday, March 8, 2010

The Code

We've all seen it. Either in a movie or in our own lives (sorry). A woman walks in and her man is doing the horizontal mambo with some chick. There's even a horrible local commercial here in NYC for a company called Ashley Furniture where a very attractive couple is going at it in a bed. The scene is very hot and steamy and we're led to believe that they're married...then we find out they aren't married to each other when a Precious-esqe woman thunders in the room and discovers them in bed together. She immediately goes after the woman, while the husband tries to stop her. Now, it's one of the worst commercials ever made, but it also displays my point. Women always blame the other woman first.

Here's why: Just like there is a man code, there is a woman one too. Yes, we chicks have a little unwritten handbook with certain rules and regulations that must be adhered to. If you go off the page, you're on your own and put out of the gender altogether.

When I was in high school, I fell in some major puppy love with my best friend who happened to be homecoming king, captain of the football team, and was adored by everyone near and far. He dated a friend of mine, a fellow cheerleader (my stunt partner!) and they were the Brangelina of my high school. Well, sometime, during Junior year, he started to realize just how wonderful I was (duh) and we kinda sorta started seeing each other. Ok, we flat out were. Only problem? He was still someone else's boyfriend. Well, when all the crap hit the fan, I was blamed for breaking up the star couple of high school. But it was high school, where relationships barely count and after a week, it blew over, they got back together and I was still voted onto homecoming court. At the time, I found it crazy that no one seemed to be mad at him! It took two to tango (not horizontally, thank you very much), yet, everyone acted like I was out there doing a solo strip tease to just reel him in and break them up. Like it was totally malicious or something. It wasn't. I was all of sixteen for crying out loud! I'd loved that boy since I was in grade school and I felt like it was my turn. Selfish, yes, malicious, no.

Maria has been victim to this as well after she started dating a guy from college who had been paired with a friend of hers. The problem was that the pairing was a tumultuous one. One that lasted for several years and when Maria started dating him, said friend was livid. As she should've been. Maria and I have had this argument several times: the one where I tell her she was wrong for doing that. Wrong because she was friends with the girl, knew their story, knew how they'd broken up, knew their details. Maria always stresses that they weren't really friends, which isn't true and is extremely convenient for Maria when she's trying to assuage the guilt. My major argument is that you just don't go there with other women. The code that I spoke of earlier, is why. The code that women are supposed to band together in some sort of unspoken truce. We hate on each other's outfits, yes. We talk about each other behind our backs, sure. But we don't steal each other boyfriends, and we don't date ex's of friends. It's just how it goes. There are too many men out there, and even more single women roving the streets lonely and destitute. Well, not really on that last part, but you just don't go there with other females. Women, being the emotion-filled creatures they are, get so affected when other women betray them because we are women! We all get it! It's a double betrayal, a punch in the gut, a slap in the face. Men, could care less, so when their boy gets at a girl they dated, they may be irritated, but barely bat an eye.

Examples can be found far and wide. Monica Lewinsky, Angelina Jolie, Alicia Keys and the oodles of other women who've all been chumped in the media for stealing or attempting to steal someone's husband or boyfriend.

And don't think I'm saying there's no fault with the men. There is fault there, but who cares about them. They're stupid and they don't know the code, hell, they're known for making ridiculous un-calculated decisions, or thinking with the wrong head. Women are smarter, we are calculated and only have one head to think about. We should know better and we should look out for each other.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. i meant 10% wanna be sisters and/or crazy/deadbeat/diseased ridden

  2. okay, so my post did not post, so above made no over:

    i was with you up until..."There are too many men out there" yes and even more single women...
    but what makes it so bad is that out of the 100% available men
    about 50% have 2-3 women that they are playing
    30% are married/in committed relationships and may be a part of the 50% above
    10% or more are in jail/on probation/ have other issues from making them 100% eligible and
    the other 10% wanna be sisters and/or crazy/deadbeat/diseased ridden this whole do not date your friends ex...while i find it to have a serious ick factor...(sloppy seconds) what are you to do? chuck dude because he and your friend used to kick it?
    i have not been in this situation, so i am not sure what i would do, but with the lack of good/eligible men out there for "women of color" not to mention black men who have reggiebushitis...and wesleysnipesitis...what is a black woman to do? try something new?