Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Do you really love?

Love is the greatest revelation of the soul, the vulnerability of ones self, the truth of the heart, problems and all and saying: Yes, I choose you. Yes, I will work hard to make progress in myself and progress in you. I will ache when you ache, I will heal when you heal, I will breathe life into you and you into me, I will be honest even when it's hard to tell the truth, I will understand that we are works in progress, but that we are on the same path, going in the same direction, building each other up with each step on the path we create, brick by brick. I won't be afraid to let parts of myself go, parts that are not a solution to our equation, but subtract from who we are. I know it won't always be easy, it won't always be patient, but it will always be kind, it will never break you down, never force you to compromise the core values that make me love you in the first place. And being together doesn't mean I'll change either, it isn't a complete promise because if along the way, we find we're trying to change each other into people we fundamentally are not, then we are basically saying we want someone else and should walk away. I would rather you get me and know me than get some false representative of who I am, the me with the mask on instead of the beautiful, vulnerable truth. I'd rather lose you, having you never really see me, than get you and you don't even know who I am.

So, do you really love? Not the love that many participate in, the fairy tale, false love. The love that starts with two people who don't even know who they are and if they do aren't willing to sacrifice or change for each other, into each other. Aren't willing to acknowledge who they are nor embrace that person. See, when someone is a mess, they love in a messy way. But when someone is a mess and is aware of the flawed person they are, they are able to love someone else. They are honest with who they are, so they are honest with what they can give and how they can give it. Too many people don't take responsibility for who they are, for what they bring to the table. Too many sit down with bags at their feet, completely unaware they've been carrying them for such a lengthy trip. Too many people wear a mask for so long that when it becomes entirely too hard to hold on to that mask, it's way beyond the deception point. When you fall for a mask, you cannot complain when the mask is removed. You haven't been tricked by love, bamboozled or hoodwinked because it was never love to begin with. At least not the love that's truly intended for us.

And, love doesn't mean no struggle, love doesn't mean a kumbaya of sorts for love is painful and crazy. Love has ups and downs. Love gets down and dirty and forces you to honestly look at yourself in perhaps the realest way possible, which is why so many people would rather walk away than really take a look at themselves. Love is uncomfortable, it takes you out of that zone where you sit locked behind a wall pretending you're happy. Love is not easy to abandon when it gets too hard. But remember we are talking about the reality of love, not the fairy tale, not the 'well it's the right time and the right place' love, not the 'I've known you for two months and I already love you love,' but the love that very very few experience. A love that crosses oceans and heals hearts. A love that is honest and ugly at the same time, a love that sustains love simply for love, a love that doesn't fit into a box, for it is inexplicable. It just is what it is. It's


1 comment:

  1. oh my, that was lovely, i was almost moved to tears, but my barb wired heart would not let me. and i am the most sentimental of sentimentalist people...i mean extra ultra super sensitive! but i know exactly what you mean...what i say, now that i am single after 2 divorces, (one not so nice and one very amicable)..."marriage is not for punks" right now i am at punk status. my parents have been married for 45 years this year and my grandparents 42 years (til my grandmother died, God rest the dead)so you think i would have learned, right? those couples have been thru SO MUCH, from what i know, i mean, if i told you some of the things, you probably would not believe me (truth is stranger than fiction) but they stayed together...through the ugly honesty and that says alot about their individual characters as well as their coupledom.
    long live (Black) love!