Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Love The Way You Love Me on TV

One of my favorite sayings is: I'd marry him on national television. It's a ranking of sorts for me. Something I say when someone is so fine, I'd publicly lose my mind and follow him into the wedded abyss. Therefore it's anything but a surprise that I have always been a fan of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I think it's amazingly ridiculous, watching those desperate-model-girls/oversexed-fame whore-men chase after an unassuming Girl Next Door/All American Boy for a full two hours each episode! It's no secret that the odds of finding love on a reality show are slim to negative 8 million, but the show continues to get renewed because the ever hopeless romantics watch, hoping the way they hope in their own lives that another Trista and Ryan will happen (the only couple to have successfully gotten engaged, stayed that way, tied the knot and have two kids). Love will always prevail. All it does is win, win, win no matter what.

But that seldom happens and the latest addition to the ABC Break Up Wasteland is Jake, the gay pilot turned actor, and Vienna, the slut bag who every viewer and contestant hated equally. The accusations started flying, stories were sold to the highest tabloid and ABC realized they had to cash in. Another Bachelor couple, Jillian and Ed, called it quits almost simultaneously, but they literally parted ways so amicably, there was no fun in that. So the same way ABC had follow up weddings or we're-so-happy-we-could-die sit ins, Vienna and Jake parked their butts on a rose filled soundstage and set the record straight. Well about as straight as Lindsay Lohan. They pointed fingers, swapped insults, and interrupted each other for just under an hour. I don't think the host spoke more than eleven words. At the end, Vienna burst into tears after Jake shouted for her to stop interrupting him (he'd asked her nicely about 4 million times during the show), claimed she was done with the interview and told Jake he was the biggest "fake liar" she'd ever met. That's gotta be an oxymoron, but that's besides the point. I don't think Vienna is known for her smarts.

So after basically letting me into their intimate relationship woes-well as intimate as it could be having played out on television- I decided that having all of the free world watching me and my soon-to-be-ex break up would be only slightly worse than being inside a meth lab when it blew up. And yet, I was riveted! It was great television. And I wasn't the only one who thought so as we've seen Jake and Vienna splashed across the gossip rags. It seems humans loves nothing more than a good come up, except a great fall. The media is known for building 'em up- Jessica Simpson- and watching them tumble in a downward spiral-Jessica Simpson in her mom jeans killing the Cowboys chances of a Super Bowl. We spent the nineties watching couples fight on Jerry Springer. We all know how much media coverage Chris and Rihanna received and need I mention "Bennifer" or "Brangelina?" Hell, I sometimes find myself frozen on the street watching a couple scream into the night! Why do we enjoy the misery of others so much? I guess how is the better question? Assuming at the end of the day all we want is love and to not croak miserably alone, why do we thrive on love lost?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

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