Tuesday, December 8, 2009

10 Reasons Why Fairy Tales & Happily Ever Afters are BS

In relationships, I'm learning that happily ever after just doesn't exist. Gone are the days of wishin' and hopin.' Instead, let's have a nice refreshing glass of reality. So here they are in no particular order:

1. It isn't realistic. Literally. Fairy tales are just that: a tale of something that doesn't usually happen, which is what makes it like the Loch Ness monster-rare, but special or interesting if spotted.

2. Happily ever after usually only lasts as long as the words themselves do. Imagine if there was a sequel to Sleeping Beauty or if we found out what happened after the Prince kissed Snow White. We'd probably find them arguing over where he was last night or finances, after all they are raising seven dwarfs.

3. People have problems, baggage, issues that can't be fixed in just a few colorful pages or a 2 hour Disney flick. You don't usually see therapy in animated movies.

4. Men are nothing like Princes. No need for depth on that one.

5. Women are perhaps a little too much like Princesses in contrast.

6. There's nothing to worry about in those stories. No careers in their happily ever afters. Cinderella no longer has to clean floors, and Jasmine and Aladdin no longer have to steal carpet rides or wish on genies. Their only job is to love each other forever. No toothbrushes left behind, no families and fortunes to divvy up. No one getting sick of loving the same prince forever and ever. So there's no stepping out or taking a break to find out what else there is to life.

7. It's always sunny at the end of the story. Seriously, there are no gloomy, rainy endings! Have you ever seen a fairy tale that ended with doom and gloom? No! Because that would mean happily ever after is a doomy and gloomy place and it isn't-well at least it wouldn't be if it even existed.

8. There are no lies told in happily ever afters. The Prince promises to stay and he does. The Princess promises to never be a sensitive nag and she does just that. In real life, people shy from honesty. They hide behind a facade of half truths, omitting what's real. You don't get happily ever after that way.

9. After the line, "and they lived happily ever after" is printed, there's nothing. Maybe one more blank white page to book end the book, make things even, but there's nothing! That's gotta mean something. If you stay in your house, do nothing, let no one in and live your life with DVR and Fresh Direct groceries, NOTHING will happen and there's your happily ever after. You might get kinda bored, but that's an OK trade off. Besides, there's scrabble online.

10. Happily ever after gives too much false hope. It should just say, "and they tried their best to live happily ever after, but they knew there would be pitfalls and hurdles, but if they stayed together and fought as long as they both wanted to, they'd have a shot at it."

Or maybe it should say, "the end."

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. Dear Blackie,

    First, let me start off by saying that I love your blog and always look forward to reading your new entries.

    In this latest entry, I think you're sending mixed messages. I think you need to clarify that "Happily Ever After" is not to be confused with "Perfectly Ever After".

    Perfectly ever after IS a fairy tale and completely unattainable. Happiness on the other hand, is a choice. If you choose happiness, you CAN live happily ever after even in an imperfect situation. It's all about your attitude and outlook on life.

    Maybe "happily ever after" is a lot like Tinkerbell. Perhaps you first have to believe in order to see it for yourself. I believe in happily ever after... I live it everyday! Maybe one day, after you find Mr. Right, you will too. I hope so.

    In the meantime, remember, choose happiness and you too can live happily ever after... with or without Prince Charming!

    A Faithful Reader

  2. Dear Blackie,

    I found your blog today and I like the ideas you're exploring and writing about.

    I believe "happily ever after" happens when you're with Mr. or Ms. Right, you just don't know how long it will last.

    If you're with the perfect-for-you person, it could last for years. I finally found my Mr. Right and it's been 2 years of sunny days. So far. The thing is, I don't know how long it will last because who the heck can see forever?

    Most people simply settle. They settle for too many rainy days, fighting to stay together, going to couple's therapy, not enough passion, etc. For them, happily ever after is a true fairly tale.

    I believe that if people didn't settle for good enough or worse, they could attain happily ever after, even if it doesn't end up lasting forever. It's worth a try, wouldn't you say?