Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Special Happy New Year

Today is special. It's New Years Eve. A night where people get the ultimate do-over. The ultimate second chance. It's a night where people ring in the beginning of a new year with the sweet kiss of someone old or someone new or no one at all.

Today is special.

A few months ago, I started dating someone. Someone who I cared about deeply. Someone who made me laugh and smile. Someone who, in a word, made me happy.

Today is special for him as well. He is attending the wedding of a friend. A blast off wedding that will ensure everyone rings in the New Year together, celebrating what will hopefully be a union that will see many many New Years to come. I was originally invited to this wedding.

Originally, but not anymore.

Today is indeed special. It's a day that I had all hope and intention of spending with a guy I was totally in to. A day where we'd dress up, dance our butts off, and hide out when garter belts and bouquets were thrown. Then the clock would strike midnight and whatever moment shared at that time would be one I would remember for future New Years to come.

I will definitely remember this New Years, though. I will remember how much fun we would have had. I will remember how much I miss him tonight and on many nights. I will remember kissing someone else in a city different then his, sharing a moment elsewhere, wondering in that moment who he's making a memory with.

Today is special because today, for once, I'm not so angry with him. Not so angry for hurting me, changing our status quo, messing up a great thing, causing me to spend this New Year's Eve without so much as a spoken word to him. After much thought, I realized a cease fire was needed, a cut off. A time period where he needed to forget my name, number, twitter and the like. Just because I'm smack in the middle of that time period doesn't mean I have forgotten him though. I wonder if he's forgotten me.

Today is special because today, for once, I am not so sad. I'm actually happy that I was given a chance to be in a situation where two people took a stab at a solid, "doing it right" union. One that superceded, in it's short time, the longer, stressful relationships from the past that I thought were 'good.' Being able to be one half of a healthy duo is a wonderful experience, so I cast no shade his way. I thank him and look forward to whatever is coming in this new year. Whether he's apart of it or not, I'm excited for what's in store. So here's to a new year, a second chance, but definitely no do overs. I regret nothing and I hope he doesn't either.

Yes. Today is special indeed.

Happy New Year,
Blackie Collins

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