Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Good Guy, Bad Guy

Nice guys do not finish last. They finish in the same place as the assholes. Yes, there are the good guys and the bad guys, but first and foremost, there are simply: guys. The bad ones, I can appreciate. They are a bad boy up front. They say "take that, take that, take that" from jump and we say, "ok." You know what you're getting. There is no confusion. It is what it is. With nice guys, there's confusion. They are nice even in their wrong-doing. They're the wolf in sheep's clothing and I'd honestly rather deal with an honest and outright dick than one who continuously promised greener pastures only to come up barren.

Several years ago, I dated a guy who was bad from the start, but there was something amazing about his energy. Our energy together. Neither of us could understand it. It was indescribable. Something I hadn't felt before and haven't since. But he was toxic. Did toxic things. Poisoned my life as only toxic can. Sure, there were good times, but for the most part, he was bad news bears. It went on and on for years. Off and on. He'd blow in like a tornado, leaving nothing but destruction in his wake. He recently got married. He still calls, texts, says inappropriate things. I do not answer. I've learned my lesson. I know what he is. What he will most likely (and sadly) always be. Besides I have no need for married men in my life.

However, in the spring of last year, I started dating this wonderfully nice guy. Sweet as pie and cute as a button. I was smitten. He pulled out chairs, opened doors, was tender and careful. Just great. I found it mildly nauseating that he called all the time, texted like his phone might die before he could say one last thing. But I refused to be the girl who loved thugs and didn't give the sensitive dudes a chance. I gave him a chance. In the end, he was still just a guy, a flawed one at that. And when we finally stopped talking, it was very abrupt. I cut him off, but when I think about it, I think he cut me off too. There was no pomp and circumstance, no fanfare. It just stopped. I don't even remember why, but I do remember feeling slighted. Thinking, "damn, even the nice dudes fuck up eventually."

See, girls like bad guys because we know what we're getting. And it's exciting. And we like it. We love the tattoos and the danger. We love the yanking and pulling. The times we've been ignored and the times we been on his arm like proverbial arm candy. We like the destruction. The drama. The whole enchilada. We like even more what they do to us in the bedroom. We just like it. All of it. However, we don't love it. Not enough to stick around forever. Well, there are those who wait around for the thug to finally need a hug, but many of us know in our heart of hearts that it will end. That we will eventually get sick of the strong hit and yearn for something smooth. That we will realize we can't change them and are ready for someone who is already a perfect fit.

Now, girls like good guys because of the bad guys. Because of what they've done to us. The good guy picks up the pieces, shows us how we should've been treated all along. It's nice, refreshing. A change will do you good and all that. There's a strong but with good guys, though. Women go into relationships with good guys without the proper guard. When dealing with a bad boy, you know what's on the horizon, what's probably coming and you dress in the proper armor. You make sure you're protected from the fury that is him. With good guys, you usually get a bit duped. You go in thinking, "oh, he's so sweet. So kind. He'll never hurt me." Then when he does, it hurts tenfold.

This is not to be negative. Not to say there are no good guys out there. I've seen them, dealt with them, enjoyed them for a few months or years on end. They are there, hiding. Some were once bad guys that changed on their own (the only way they can). Some have been there all along and you just didn't notice. They're around, but it seems so much easier to bump into the others.

So when guys cry and whine about the nice guys finishing last and the thugs always winning, it's a bunch of horse manure. You all do your sh*t. Some of you do it in the dark, some do it in the light. At least those who do their dirt in the light can be seen from a far. With that knowledge, I can go ahead and get out of the way or walk in with my eyes wide open.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

1 comment:

  1. I have a friend who NOTORIOULSY dates crazy/bad guys. Her excuse: The crazy makes the sweet moments that much sweeter...
    While I don't agree, I understand. WE LOVE the jerks because it provides us with the excitement and adventure we may be lacking in our own lives. It becomes an emotional/reality vacation. At the end of the day, there is no longevity in life with an inconsistent man.