Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ask B.

Dear B,

I was the breaker. I loved him, but was not in love with him because he does not yet know the man he wants to be. Thus, he was not able to be a man for me. I was fully aware that he was trying to figure out his life and I made a choice to try and tough it out (we were back and forth for about a year and five months). MISTAKE. I was unhappy and had to escape. We did not have a confrontational relationship, but we often hit the same wall because there was no growth. My life is balanced without him. I have started a new business. I have and am dating others. I am DOING ME. We no longer talk, but I still think of him. I have tried to get to the bottom of it, but no resolve. We were just two people at two different places trying to have a relationship. I told him not to talk to me anymore, not out of anger, but so that we both could move on. My dad said this will be my "love of a lifetime"; I will always have feelings for him. Maybe he meant I will never quite get over him, but life goes on. So...do you have any suggestions about getting over a situation like this or am I stuck?




Here's my objective view on the situation: you broke up with your boyfriend, a man who just couldn't seem to get his life in a place where it lined up with yours. He was the wrong key to your lock so to speak. Now that he's gone, your life has found balance, you are happy, but you miss him. You wonder if you will always miss him, if you'll ever wake up and not think of him or if you'll ever stop comparing every guy you meet to him.

The answer is yes, you will.

Time is a funny thing. Time apart can absolutely make the heart grow fonder, but it also helps. Time is one of those things you cannot stop, so just let it pass. In time, your heart won't yearn for him as it once did. Sure, you may always have a space reserved for him in there, but the notion of being in love with him will develop into simply loving him. Simply caring about someone who played a major part in your life. And that's okay. It's okay to remember someone fondly, to remember the laughter, the kisses, the love you shared.

As for closure? Well, that's something that only you can answer. Yes, time will take care of that too, but it's also about what you do with that time. Ask yourself why it really truly didn't work out. Why did you break up with him? Why didn't you go back? If he got himself together, would you give it another shot? You need to ask yourself all these questions, so that you can find the answers and move on. When I broke up with my ex, I knew it was final. I knew we'd given each other all we were going to give and while we'd danced back and forth in the past, I knew this last time the music had stopped and we were done. More importantly, I knew my key was out there, ready to unlock all that I'd been missing. But, yes, I shed tears. Yes, I was sad and missed him at times, but I knew I made the right decision-for both of us. I thought of all the things that went wrong, the reasons we needed to go our own ways. I thought about a lifetime with someone who wasn't meant for me and it made me realize why we didn't make it. Why life was going to go on without him just fine. Does it take time? Yes. Is it hard? Absolutely. But does it get easier? Well, something tells me you'll be able to answer that for yourself in just a little while.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. This was amazingly exactly what I was going thru and definately what I needed to hear...thank u

  2. Thank you for writing that. I too needed to hear those words and they were said just right.