Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Bro On The Side

A couple holiday seasons ago, I wound up having dinner with a friend's family. It was one of those nights sandwiched between Christmas and New Year's where everyone seems to have giant dining room family dinners all week. I was enjoying conversation and laughing with my friend's hilarious family. It was a great night with people who might as well have been my own family. My friend's brother, Sam, was engaged to a girl no one in the family seemed to like, Eden. She seemed nice enough to me, but I'd heard the stories about the craziness, possible mental issues, drama. Sam and Eden were sitting across from each other at the table. Next to Sam was Sam's best friend, Dave, and across from Dave, next to Eden, was me.

The conversations around the table were raging on, when a pause hit the table. It was brief, extremely brief, but it was just long enough for everyone to hear Dave say to Sam:

"Dude, seriously. I will go out and buy you a friggin Porsche if you don't marry this girl. I'm for real."

Silence fell over the table and everyone busied themselves with their plates of food. Except Eden. Eden glared at Dave like he was the Devil himself at dinner.

Sam mumbled something about Dave shutting up, but Dave had no such plans. He repeated his statement, with more emphasis. Sam made a sad attempt at elbowing Dave. Sam's mother coughed obnoxiously. His Dad said, "Ok, ok, Dave. You've made your point." And while the table sort of eased back into regular conversation after that, I couldn't help but feel terribly sorry for Eden. Through all the maylay, not one person of her soon to be In-Laws stood up for her. Nor did her fiancee dead the situation. Talk about the long road home, Eden.

But I also couldn't help but feel a major sense of respect for Dave. Every guy should have that friend. The friend that will not sugar coat it. Will keep you from making the mistake of your life. Will be the one to stand up at that wedding and say, "I object." Dave was that friend and Sam was lucky to have him apparently. A few months later, Sam called off the wedding.

He doesn't drive a Porsche, though.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins


  1. How rude?!!!??? (said in my Stephanie Tanner voice)

    So Eden didn't clock his ass? I would have. How he just gonna embarrass her like that? Dave's a coward. Str8 Up!! I mean, seriously! This is a the girl that his BFF is dating. Be easy! At least, pull Sam aside and tell him how you feel. Have some class!


    Good read, BC!

  2. I agree about having a great friend who says it like it is, but saying it in front of everyone is not cool. Pull your friend aside, knock some sense into him or offer him a Porsche - whatever works, but no need to make everyone at dinner uncomfortable, including Eden.

  3. I wanna meet Dave. He sounds just like the kind of person I need in my cypher. If the chick is type crazy the way the family had informed you, then honestly the mother or father should have been the one saying it. (at least that's how the story would go down in my family.) I don't think Dave was the coward, I think Sam was. That's your lady & you let your friend talk like that? DENIED. love it, love you Blackie. Keep up the good work!!!