Friday, December 18, 2009

I keep hearing that funny saying, "No romance without finance." I'd never heard it prior to this summer, maybe because I had no reason to hear it, but I find it extremely funny. Call me naive or what you will, but I like to date or be with someone because I like them, not because they have loads of money. That being said, while money doesn't mean happiness, it sure as hell makes it easier.

I grew up without the word "no," in the vocabulary. Perhaps I was spoiled, but I know finances were not the focal point of our household. We vacationed, shopped, lived in a big house with a pool and drove nice cars. Financial woes didn't enter my life until I was in college and was broke like everyone else so to speak. My high school boyfriends and prom dates all had cars and came from financially stable families. College was the same. Now, in the real world, suddenly financial stability is huge. Credit scores and renting vs. owning I can understand worrying about if you're thinking long term with someone. But dinner? Come on. Yes, he should pay for those first several dates. It isn't old fashioned. It's kind. It's respectful. It's apart of the male responsibility just as those that belong solely to the woman. You take a lady to dinner, you pick up the check...especially if you want there to be a second date. Honestly, most of the dating horror stories that I've heard almost always involve splitting the bill or a man "forgetting" his wallet. Eat your silly ego and pay for the movie, thank you.

But this is more about the notion that romance cannot blossom when finances are low. That would mean there should be no dating, no nookie, no nothing because of the recession. Exactly. So ridiculous. Not only will very few people let their finances affect their libidos, but there's tons of fun to be had that doesn't cost a thing. And if it does cost some coin, go ahead and go dutch. Don't be afraid to even foot the bill at times. My rule is to only fork over cash when there's a common understanding: I like you, you like me, we're happy and don't mind doing these things for each other.

Finances are just apart of the menu that makes up male and female interaction on any level. So if he's out of work that doesn't mean he'll always be. I guarantee he'll see you differently if you hold him down while the money is funny. There are plenty of women that look for someone to take care of them. To foot every bill and take them on loads of vacations. They like to tell their friends that "he bought me that Gucci purse" or "took me to St. Croix." That's so nice and glamorous and if you are head over heels in love, well you've hit the proverbial jackpot, but not because he's well off. Because he treats you well overall. If you want someone to take care of you, you should be in a position to take care of him, too. There's an imbalance when it comes to who plays the role of breadwinner with the sexes, but I think that has more to do with men being providers and how that clashes with independent women. Ladies on that track, there's nothing wrong with letting a man take care of you, but please return the favor. Men of the current era like to say they want a woman whose got her own, but you cannot abandon the fact that one of your responsibilities is to provide. Sorry, those are the cards that were dealt. Hold or fold if you want, but your relationship status and sex life depend on that decision.

I've dated great guys with no money. Great guys with lots of money. In the end, yes the money makes things nice, but it doesn't make us work or not. I believe there are far more important matters to worry about than money. Either you have it or you don't. It's nice to have a handout, but it's just as nice to build something together.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

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