Thursday, December 10, 2009

Marriage and Other Hazardous Issues

One Labor Day, I spent the weekend at a friends house in the Hamptons. It was the kind of gathering that included a jacuzzi, wine, a grill and nothing but women to man it. We laughed, we cried, we shared. It was one of the best Labor Day weekends to date.

Of course the conversations that ensued are top secret, but the topics of life were covered in depth and detail. Babies, career, marriage, love. The list went on as did the giggles over common guys who stunk in bed or the loves of our lives who had yet to show up or had and were either still there or, sadly, gone. It was interesting to hear my friends talk about love and marriage. Being in our late twenties, it's definitely apart of our everyday lives. Some of our friends are already on that chapter of life, some are on the cusp. Me? I'm far away. Marriage just isn't something I run towards. I go to weddings and I get drunk and dance it up. I have a blast, single or attached. I kinda think I'm the ultimate wedding date. And I don't crowd around the other gaggles of girls when the bouquet is thrown. In fact, I rarely get up to even partake in the spectacle.

It isn't that I am against marriage at all. I do believe in the possibility of meeting someone that I'll actually want to wake up to for the rest of my life or someone with a dope last name, whichever comes first. But I don't believe in getting married just because it's time or it's the right thing to do. Not even because I love you. Love is just the tip of the iceberg, it isn't what keeps it from melting. I believe I'll find that guy-the one I want to wake up to for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to marry him. What's the difference? A piece of paper and a pretty ring? I know couples who've thrown giant weddings, small weddings. Pairs who've bought rings and signed the certificate. I know people who've pledged themselves true to one person and what has happened? The divorce rate is 46%. That's almost half! I don't know if something is in the water, but sheesh people! You don't have to put a ring on it! At least you don't have to so quickly. Gone are the days of people dating and courting each other for a substantial amount of time. Now, it's like, "Ooooh, I like you! You're fun! Let's get married!" Huh? Why?

I have friends who have marriage on their menus, who are ready to feast on wedding magazines and seating charts. And maybe I support them. Maybe I will stand at the altar with many of them and maybe I will smile and squeeze a tear out because they've found happiness. But I'll definitely be praying my butt off that they last forever because the alternative sucks big time.

It goes without saying that I come from a house of divorce, but the happiness that ensued when my parents realized they were better off apart was wonderful. I grew up in the perfect divorced Huxtible household, so don't start with the "she doesn't believe in marriage because she has issues" conversation. It's a dead one. I understand marriage. I understand divorce. I just don't know who said we all had to run off and get married in our twenties in order to ensure a happy and balanced life. My aunt got married at the age of fifty-four and when someone asked her what took her so long, she shrugged and said, "I was waiting for the right one." I plan to do the same and if it takes longer than these roaring twenties, well that's fine too. Things get better with age anyway.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

1 comment:

  1. I agree. More than that, now that I found the guy I want to wake up next to every day (and been doing it for 2 years), I still can't find one good reason as to why we should get married.

    We love each other, we live together, we have fun, so how will marriage improve that?