Monday, February 8, 2010

The Great White Hype

When I was in high school, there weren't really that many black guys running around my neighborhood. Needless to say I dated nothing but white boys until my first black boyfriend. After him, my preference changed real quick. That's not to say I don't still find men of other races attractive, but I definitely prefer the black man. The topic of interracial dating has always been a hot one. We've all had heated debates about men and women of other races, mixing and mingling and with the decline of love in the black community, it'd be safe to say many of those arguments have gotten pretty bad. We've all caught ourselves noticing a black girl and her asian boyfriend, hand in hand walking the streets of Brooklyn (except me, because Brooklyn is far). But seriously, it seems we're quick to play the "one of these things just doesn't belong here" game instead of saying, hmm, maybe they're happy together regardless of color.

I love Love and what it does to people. It changes their look on the world, their attitude, the pep in their step. It makes them happy, so why is it when I see a black man loving a white girl, I get irritated. Yes, it's a blatant double standard giving my dating past, but I'm just being honest. When I was in high school, my best friend (who was very jewish) loved her some black boys. She'd go as far as the eye could see to find one. One day we were having a regular bff conversation when I mentioned how she'd have cute little mixed babies one day. Well, the look on my bff's face was like I'd just told her she'd won the brussel sprout lottery. "I date black guys, but I would never marry one," she said pointedly. I'm pretty sure we got into some sort of an argument after that as I told her how ridiculous she was. So, black men were good enough to ahem, but not good enough to marry? The argument surged on, but she eventually blamed her jewish parents, stating that they'd "kill her if she married a black guy." Lovely.

Maybe that's stuck with me, because fast forward how ever many years and it still bothers me. I have many black friends who date white girls, or girls from any cultural background for that matter, and many do it because they genuinely found commonalities with her and fell in love. Then there are those who are still under the impression that the great white hope is their ticket to crossing over, to being accepted and that having a boob-jobbed, blonde dyed, collagen injected version is the express train to the other side. It is not. In fact, I worry about them and their particular ideals. See, it isn't just about the asthetics of race, let's be honest, pretty is pretty regardless. It's about cultural differences. There's a comfort factor that many experience only within their own race. It's the reason every high school had a Korean Mafia, or why the black crew made fun of the one black skate-boarding, grunge-loving kid amidst his white cohorts. It's the reason the Clueless schoolyard exists. But I have a biased opinion. I mean, I am a black girl and this is my blog, so I went to the source: black men who have gone skiing a few times. Here's what they had to say:

Mr. Analogy: I enjoy a white woman every now and then the same way I will often choose a turkey burger over a beef burger.

Mr. Man of Few Words: I'm not really sure. Diversity, I guess. They aren't black so it's a change of pace. Same with asain and latinos, but there are just more white girls to choose from.

Mr. Asshole You Hate To Love: Man, do you know what white girls do in bed? I've had more threesomes, foursomes, twosomes, buttsomes, toysomes, and whatever else somes with white girls than I can count. They really let the good times roll. Anything goes, you can put whatever you want, wherever you want. Black girls are always complaining about sweating out their hair. White chicks get it in, but I'll probably marry a black girl-she better have nice hair though. [he said loads more, but I had to censor his ass]

Mr. Smarty Pants: I have always been attracted to what isn't my norm-white, hispanic, asian. Whatever isn't black has an intriguing appeal to me, but I like learning about different cultures, so women of those cultures always give me a peak into their lifestyles. But, naturally, black women respond to me in a much more comfortable way. They relate to my blackness, and we can interact as such. But I'm not just a black person. I'm a person. And I don't feel I should be limited to dating only black women, because they have something in common with my skin. I don't know, I just think it's strange that in 2006 interracial dating is still a problem in America. As if there are any indigenous people here in threat of losing their own culture. American culture can really only be defined as an all-encompassing one; made up of so many others. And no matter what race, or culture, or ethnicity, or nationality we're all black when the lights go out, right? lol

Mr. Jokes: It's been 400+ years of being killed for even looking at a white woman and now the polar opposite...maybe we're just making up for lost time:)

Mr. Horizon Expander: Why not? Why just date black chicks. I never wanted a white girl but I'm totally looking for one this spring and not like the obligatory fine one who's all in the black clubs. I want a regular white chick 'cause all I do is black shit. I need to expand my horizons. Now, I don't wanna marry a white woman, but it's more like this: everybody dates the same people for the most part. We recycle through two degrees of separation and I've fucked half the east coast of our diaspora: the upwardly mobile, HBCU educated, wall street, law school, drunken hot black women. Been there. Everybody's dated everybody. Everybody knows everybody! If you date a white woman, at least you get a clean slate. Nobody you know has smashed, your cousin won't be the girl's line sister's best friend. You get my drift. It's new and fresh. And it's a new challenge. This black thing isn't working too well anyway, so why not date whoever you want?

Mr. Bi-Racial: I haven't always dated white emo chicks. I used to date black girls too, but they had such an attitude problem. Oh man, I know I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this, but the ones I dated seemed to be so caught up in my white side. Like trying to get me to find my black side more and relinquish the rest. I'd always be like, look, this is who I am! My dad is black, my mom is white, the end. Either you like me or not. [i have to insert here that Mr. Bi-Racial is FINE, sorry, back to our program] My last girlfriend and I always had trouble having sex though. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but my dick is black, if you get what I mean...anyway, she ended up cheating on me with an Asian guy.

Any other snow bunnies out there? Men or women, please feel free to add your own thoughts to this ongoing debate.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. Wow this is really deep. I should probably identify myself as black women. I should also say I am one part of an interracial couple. I’ve enjoyed reading the different perspectives. I grew up thinking interracial dating was a good thing. Like Mr. Horizon Expander I thought venturing out in new territory could only allow growth and improve my life experiences. What I’ve learned is that the other side lives a privileged life in comparison. They endure societal issues as do black people but they are able to withstand far more with less severe repercussions.

    I am still very much for interracial dating. But I do have some concerns. I appreciate Mr. Asshole’s willingness to venture out but when settling down he will choose a sister. By that time Mr. Asshole, I hope you are over that ASSHOLE phase. We have enough problems thanks.

    Mr. Smarty Pants I agree with many of the points you made. But my concern is many of our sisters, cousin and aunts are single and without companionship. I think it important as black people we are conscious of what is going on around us. Yes, we should love everyone and respect everyone equally but the fact is we are not equal. Being in an interracial marriage for so long I become aware of how many of my sisters suffer and do with out. See Mr. Smarty Pants those black women are raising little black boys and other black women. I am a deeply concerned about the family structure. A single black women raised me. While my husband was raised by a two family well to do home. Trust me when I tell you there were noticeable differences in our life experiences and also in our quality of life.

    Mr. Bi Racial your comments concern me. Concerns me about my own behavior, how I am prone to sharing the black experience with my bi racial daughter. I have a good intentions but I am concerned that she feel very much like you. Thanks for your input I will be mindful in the future.

    Ultimately, I have to be honest. I am very much LOVED by my white man. He worships the ground that I walk on. He spends his life trying to make me happy and filling the voided society has created. But what is hurtful is that it’s a white man who is concerned about my feelings and needs. I think it so because him being raised in the two family environment equipped him with the ability, desire and capacity.

  2. mature (40+) black woman, grew up in culturally diverse but very segregated southern california in the late 70's early 80's, dated hispanic and hispanic/asian/white in hs and jr high, only dated one iranian in my early 20's. always told my son's, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home...but now that they are 19 and 15, i am more long as she is not dumb...i'll accept grandkids can get their teeth fixed and even if they are not "cute" cute, i will love them and just be sure that they are educated...leaving the comment section now while silently praying for smart and cute grandkids!

  3. mature 40...chiming in again...let me be clear..i dated black men mostly with the exception of those mentioned yes i was hypocritical in stating if she cant use your comb...but there are so many problems in life, i dont think you should complicate things further with interacial dating...i never experienced such, but it usually seems that that there is not that much of an issue if it's a sister dating outside the race instead of a in point...reggie bush/kim k...if she was a sister and did the sex thing with brandys brother or anyone else for that you think reggie would be bothered with her? it's always a double standard with women, especially black women...i personally feel sorry for interacial children...they are never "black enough" for blacks and whites will NEVER accept them as equals...and please dont get it twisted about the grandkids, when i said "cute" cute i am not talking biracial vs. black...i have seen far more busted biracial children than i have ever seen in the black community when it comes to looks...

  4. *slams head against desk*

    Who raised these men? Black women have attitudes? I fucked half the East Coast? We are so doomed.

  5. i hate to say it, but i agreed w/ a lot of their for the attitudes, i guess those attitudes just need stronger men to counteract them and in most common circles, yeah, it seems everyone has gotten with everyone. As for the bi-racial commenter- I am mixed myself and it's always been a bit of a struggle, trying to find a race to "identify" with. I spent a lot of time thinking I had to choose which one, but my parents were very free with allowing me to discover who I was and where I fell into the mold. I think in a country like ours, where so much is just a big melting pot, I lucked out in a lot of ways. That's not to say it wasn't hard, but I have a good understanding of who I am and that's what matters most in my relationships (with men and otherwise)-not what color I am.