Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Blame Game: A Woman Scorned

I'm pissed. No I'm really pissed off. Not nearly as pissed as YaVaughnie Wilkins, though, apparently. In the last week, the world has been shown just how far a woman will go when she is heartbroken, hurt, and angry. Three very very bad emotions to have simultaneously, for when put together, people often do foolish, silly, and dumb things. Actions that have not been fully thought out. Love turns to obsession and we usually wind up making fools of ourselves.

A woman scorned is a funny thing. We set out to retaliate, to get our due by making the object of our once affection pay and pay a lot. Is it smart? At the time, it seems like it. It seems like the very best and most important, immediate way of fixing our pain is to cause you as much as possible. There's a scene in Sex and The City where Samantha, scorned by Richard, passes out neon colored flyers, plasters the city in slander about her ex lover. The look on Samantha's face as she stands on a busy Manhattan street, flyers amidst, is of sheer pleasure. As if embarrassing Richard was the best thing since Lorraina Bobbett. And just like that, she was over him.

But back to reality, which is that once the billboards have gone up and come down, once the hoopla dies off and the shots are fired and dealt with, you are left empty and still alone. Hurting someone who loved you and you once loved is not the way to make the union come back to life. But perhaps that's not what YaVaughnie wanted. Who knows but YaVaughnie. It seems as such with the message on the billboard being, "You'll always be my soulmate." That coupled with the website dedicated to their love doesn't just scream "PLEASE COME BACK TO ME! I LOVE YOU!" but also that Wilkins may have fallen off the wagon a bit.

That said, I won't attack that woman. I won't call her silly or stupid. Yes, her actions are insane and wrong(and I mean actions going all the way back to dating a married man), but that woman is hurt and she's hurt for a very direct and exact reason. I think it's disgusting the way the media has turned her into a crazed, scorned lunatic. Not to mention the comments made on any social networking site out there. While what she's done lines up with crazy lunatic, she was pushed there by someone else and if people don't start bringing up the mistakes behind the actions of Charles Phillips himself, I'm gonna burst. Call it feminism or what you will, but it takes two to tango and Charles and YaVaughnie got to the billboard/website point together. Newsflash, Mr. Phillips, when you take vows, they still mean something to some people. Clearly not you. So here's the thing: when you decide you'd rather carry on a relationship-not a one nighter, not even a few months, but eight and a half YEARS- with someone other than the woman to whom you said, "I do," that makes you a coward and an asshole. Tell your wife you want to separate, get divorced, whatever, but causing all these people pain just so you could get some shows that you weren't thinking with you heart, or your head...or maybe just the wrong one. The truth hurts and it's hard to tell it sometimes, but I sincerely wish you'd resulted to just that.

When you're hurt, it feels like you're suffocating, like someone has stuck a knife in you and turned it clockwise and counter, but ladies, he isn't coming back and he for damn sure won't when you start wearing crazy like it's the new black. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without consent." Yes, it sucks what happened, but your reaction is based solely on your own shoulders. Sure you want to retaliate, but I guarantee the best way is to pick up your proverbial shit, get it together, and move on. Nothing says fuck you to your haters like like success and happiness...without them.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. Damn I agree with every single thing you said. Very good post.

  2. Ha! This billboard was outside my job in Times Square! She spent lots of dough on this... probally his dough.

    I checked this am... they took it down. LOL!

  3. I totally agree with this! It most certainly takes two to tango! He was not merely boning this woman, they were taking trips, posing for pictures. They had a RELATIONSHIP. There is no honor amongst thieves. He didn't respect his relationship with his wife and he shouldn't expect his co-conspirator to do the same. I feel bad only for the child and wife, and I hope the Misses walks away and finds love elsewhere.