Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Relationship Hierarchy-Chick Style

It's 5:30 in the morning. Don't ask what I'm doing up at this hour. No, really don't. I'm surfing the net, checking in on blogs I love, one of which happens to be Naked With Socks On. A lot of people love this blog and deservingly so. When you add up the sum of wit, relevancy, honesty, and good writing, you get an excellent product.

I just read The Relationship Hierarchy on the site, which isn't actually by the writer, but was good nonetheless. Women love to get inside the mind of a man, crave it as if it'll somehow help them land their dream boat. There were many who loved the female categories men whittled us into, some that found it sickening (although I'm not entirely sure why). I wasn't surprised by the long and detailed list. Women have somehow confused a man's facade with his actual inner workings. Ladies, they are more guarded with their feelings, but it doesn't mean they don't have any at all. Unless you truly don't warrant any. I have a lot of male friends and I've come to learn that they talk just as much, if not more, and have all kinds of rules and regulations (as do many women). But back to this list. It got me thinking about how women categorize men. There are different women out there-some who try to put on the suits of gusto, but fall prey to the first dude saying sweet nothings. Then there are women who truly know the game and don't wear their heart on their sleeves. So the categories differ. For the first group, there may be only one or two categories- the guys they date, the guys they marry. But in reality, women have just as many categories, just as many specificities as men. So without further adieu:

Husband- goes without saying. This is the man you will hold down pretty much no matter what. At the end of each day, he is the one you've pledged to before God that you will love until your dying day. I don't take marriage lightly and I've spoken about my issues with it a bit. This is thee guy. The ONE who you know it's gonna be from now until forever. Long time? Hell yea, so choose and be chosen wisely.

Man- We've all heard ladies give their boyfriend the title of "my man." It's the adult version of the boyfriend, a title which sounds like it only belongs in schoolyards. So man is the graduation of the term. A woman's man is someone she's been with for a long period of time, see's a future with, has met family, washes his dirty draws, cooks for him regularly, and has probably seen cry. It's serious and a champ ring is definitely on the horizon if all goes well.

Boyfriend- The lesser, earlier, preceding version of the Man. He's your boyfriend. I don't know how else to say it, but the connotation on the word says it all. You've been dating pretty seriously, have decided to abandon all other "situations," maybe you are spending certain holidays together. You talk several times a day, every day. You're still in the earlier parts of a relationship though. Maybe you haven't seen him pee with the door open yet.

Boo- I hate this term. A lot. It just sounds silly, but I must use it because it defines this next category to a T. You're dating, there are probably other's, but this guy is in the lead. He gets the majority of your time, attention, etc. There are no clear titles on this one...yet. There's several dates per week, sleepovers are more or less regular. This is the dating phase (even though there are some women who think this is the boyfriend phase). You're getting to know each other still, but what you know already is intriguing enough to keep things going, but you aren't dumb. There is still a squad on the bench just incase.

The New Guy- This is the guy whom you've been out with a handful of times. He's saying and doing the right things. You're feeling him. The New Guy is just that-the new guy in your life. It isn't serious, but it feels like more than some dude or guy you're talking to. It could be fun. By the way, many women confuse this category with something more serious. Just because he's the new guy in your life doesn't mean he's thee guy in your life. Take your time. Be patient. What's the rush?

This dude, guy or other general terms- Let me use it in a sentence so you can understand this one a bit more. Friend: "Girl, you're phone is like Kirstie Alley-blowin' up. Who's on the other end?" You: "This dude I'm talking to. That's it. Just some dude. May not even have a name worthy of speaking aloud after all, you're not sure of what he will be. Numbers were just exchanged, prelim conversations have been happening, fun texts every few days, whatever. It's the absolute beginning. Smart chicks do not even remotely begin to attach themselves to this guy.

The Jump- Sorry, guys, women have them too. I was actually (surprisingly) asked on Twitter the other day if women really only wanted men for sex at times. Um, yes. The long and short of it is that women have huge libidos, we're often the last one's standing, ahem, but because men think of sex every seven seconds or something and because the majority of them are skilled at detaching feelings from the act, women are given the short end of the stick. Make no mistake, even the sweetest of the sweet has had a guy that she calls on because he's a sure thing. No matter how she sugar coats it-with dates here and there-she wants you because of what's in your pants, not your heart. The jump is the guy that gets no love in the club so to speak. He hasn't seen you in the light of day and you don't talk...ever. No phone calls except to set up the deed. You might not know a whole heck of a lot about him, but what you do know counts and that's really what matters in this situation.

There's one more: Friend and we all know what happens when you're banished to Siberia: the FriEND Zone.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. OMG...bout time a woman lay it out there! I thought I was the only one that have the category "This Dude"! Great post!

    - AD

  2. I'm so close to sending this to a guy and let him know he's in Siberia and there is no path out of that black hole.