The Girlfriend Series: Best You Ever Had

*Note: This week, I decided to do a little blogging on the topic of girlfriends. Being one isn't easy for everyone apparently and dealing with them has proven to be hard for many men. Enjoy! The first installment is a tongue in cheek piece about why I'm the best girlfriend. *

I am an amazing girlfriend. There. I've said it. And I say it without any hesitation or hint of arrogance. Because I've been told it and because its true. If you can't toot your own horn, why bother? Being your own biggest fan is sexy no matter which year, so claim your's and make your own list. Here's my top ten (in no particular order):

1. I actually have no desire to be your girlfriend. -When I meet a guy, the last thing on my mind is being committed to you. If you're around long enough, I may break that rule and envision you beyond the weekend, but for the most part, I program myself to stay in the moment. To say, "its fun, so we'll keep at it, but when it stops being that, I'm out. No strings." But once I'm yours, and I trust you, I'm loyal. I'm passionate and giving, I present a challenge but notjing you can't handle.

2. I'm a guys girl. I love football, more than some of my ex's actually. I don't just like watching men run around in tights either. I've been watching since my dad tried to force me into being a Steelers fan when I was 5. (It didn't work-go EAGLES!) I know about screens and blitzes. Passer and qb ratings. I live for sundays and mondays from august until February. And I watch the draft. I toss back beer on a regular basis, curse like a sailor, talk shit like crazy. But make no mistake, I wear dresses and make up too. I do my hair and act girly when it suits me. I'm your chick and I act like one, but I'll be the last to turn off the game or tell you to mind your manners.

3. I don't go crazy over sex. In the beginning, I don't do the weird rule of waiting 90 days. I've made it clear that I like doing the do and if I feel like it, I do. If I don't, I don't. I have so many guy friends who've schooled me on the waiting game. Trust me, there's no point in waiting. But I guess if you are making him wait, there's a point to you and I cast no judgement.

4. Three leads me to this: I'm dynamite in the sack. That's all I'll say. Ask about me.

5. I don't nag. I don't beg for your time. I don't do anything but ask for your respect-the same I give you. If we don't have that, we'll have a discussion. I don't fight and scream. I don't say sh*t I can't take back. I'm not the girl who will hold onto your leg while you walk out the door each week. We won't have big dramatic fights every other day. I've been there and the person who brought that out in me is no longer with us...for a reason.

6. I've had lots of boyfriends and I've only been broken up with twice. I gotta good record.

7. I am okay by myself, so while I want you and love having you around, I don't NEED you. There's a difference. And you shouldn't NEED me either honestly. It's a balance game.

8. I'm pretty (and arrogant apparently). So when you're walking down the street with me or introducing me to your boys, you'll be proud. They won't say, "well, er, she's sweet!". They'll dap you up and tell you that you did good.

9. Parents love me. In fact, two of my ex's moms still call me to see how I'm doing. Actually quite a few of my ex's do too.

10. I'm funny. I've said a million times over that what I'm most attracted to-outside of tats-is a man who makes me laugh. And that's because I love laughter, I love joking around, sarcasm and wit are two of my favorite things in the world. How can I demand that and not dose it out myself. That last guy I dated told me I was the funniest girl he ever dated and I felt the same about him, which may be why it worked.

*Honorable mention-I'm smart. We can talk about pop culture or health care reform. Just don't ask me to perform mathematics because I totally used my graphic calculator to cheat in high school.

That bitch stole my line,

xoxo

Blackie Collins