Friday, January 22, 2010

Drunken Words...Sober Thoughts?

There is something to be said for a drunken man: his words, while intoxicated, are usually his thoughts while sober. It's no secret, when people get wasted, they start slurring their words, but it isn't how the words come out, more so the actual words themselves that tumble from their liquored lips. Inhibitions are relieved of their duty, walls crumble and everything is all good and all love. Stress is left behind and brought to the forefront is a simple desire to say and do whatever you feel like saying or doing.

It can be revealing in both good and bad ways. When I was younger, my boyfriend got drunk after a football game one night. Everyone was doing the kind of drunk you only get when you're in high school and while everyone was running around hugging each other and claiming to be friends forever, my boyfriend was acting like an asshole. I confronted him, told him I was leaving because embarrassing himself was fine, but me was not. He flipped out, said a bunch of stuff that made me dump him on the following day and I was outta there. He was silly before the alcohol, even more so after it. Alcohol just comes with the high school experience and I figured he'd be an asshole the next time too, so why not save everyone the trouble. Besides if he felt as he said he did while drunk, we didn't need to be together anyway.

But as years go on, it's telling in a different way. A way I find funny and yet a bit scary. I have come to the conclusion that men, who like to pretend to be vaults with their feelings-or have none at all-, let go when the Goose is loose. Just this past New Year's Eve, my ex called and left an incredibly downer message on my voicemail. I was seriously worried about how drunk he was. Add that to the "I'd do anything to get you back's" and the "I love you so much, I miss you like crazies," and I hit save, ready to let him hear it the next day. His reply was that he didn't even remember making the phone call. I guess we were ignoring the fact that this isn't the first time he's left that kind of message (once he left the song Moving Mountains by Usher on my voicemail). It's fine. Embarrassment comes in lots of forms; denial is one of it's favorites.

I've had boyfriends and the like confess their deepest secrets to me while drunk. They've professed their love for me and even repeatedly asked me to confess my love in return. Guy friends who come out the woodwork and say they've always had a thing for me. It's hilarious. But don't think I'm being all high and mighty, I've been there too. Been drunk and free with words that I should keep to myself because they aren't completely thought out, simply not true, or worse: they are as true as the holy grail. Of course, there's a bit of a free pass on the drunk card, because, well, you're drunk and sometimes stuff just comes out, stuff that may or may not be entirely true, but it still makes for a lot of fun and interesting conversation once your sober. Just the other night, the guy I'm seeing showed up wasted from a party. Now I had had a bit to drink myself, but he was obliterated. I was cracking up as he slurred over words, trying to figure out how he got so drunk. Then in a very weird, sobering moment, he grabbed me and said, "B, I love you." It was all I could do not to slap him. Because he doesn't, at least I hope he doesn't. That would be crazy. And totally not in line with my current plan in 2010. So I patted his shoulder and told him just how drunk he was, how we'd laugh about this in the morning. Then I put his ass in the shower and to bed.

You gotta be careful what you let out the cage when you've been drinking. You can't always blame it on the alcohol. In the morning, when we relived the previous evening, he was all smiles until I quoted him. Suddenly he was real quiet, completely out of all the words he'd had earlier. So, just incase we have a bigger problem on our hands, I told him not to quit drinking, but do it without me from now on.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

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