Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hoes and Housewives

It's said time and time again that a woman gets treated like a ho when she acts like a ho and subsequently, treated like a housewife when she acts accordingly. It makes sense, even though it isn't the easiest pill to swallow. It's like those burglars who come to your front door in a police uniform, show a badge at the front door, and then stab you, stealing all your jewels from the safe hidden in the bedroom closet. I watch a lot of Law & Order. But the analogy I'm getting at is the policeman acted like a policeman, so you assumed he's a policeman, when in fact, he wasn't. He was a the Hamburglar.

People will only treat you as you demand them to and if you go around being the wifey type, you wind up being someone's wife. If you go around acting like a gardening too, you'll be taken to the yard and put to such use. Here's a few ways to know the difference. Perhaps the hardest part will be realizing whether this is a problem for you, but they say that's the first step towards recovery, so godspeed.

Phone calls. Do you wake up on a Saturday morning to find three missed calls and a text from that special someone? Did the messages look like this:

Hey babe. What are you doing? In your hood. Want me to come by? I know it's late, but I miss you.

If so, you have a problem. I know it seems nice, aww, he misses you, but it's all code game-running. He's trying to bone. That's it. He's not hitting you at one in the afternoon talking bout, I miss you, let's have lunch. Nope. More importantly, at some point down the line, you answered or responded to a late night text from said gentlemen leading them to believe that you were down, that they could text or call you on the late night. By allowing that boundary to be minimized, the guy went on ahead and hopped over it.**

Inappropriate Talk. I once talked to a guy who flat out used to make sexual comments on the phone. Literally every other sentence would be laced with innuendo. One day, I told him to cut it out and he laughed saying he was just trying to see how far he could take it, how he had to find out exactly how beyond the envelope he could push. He found out. He stopped.

Diss. When you get dissed in public, well, you know what that means. It isn't rocket science, but just in case you are Helen Keller over there, let me paint the picture for you (in brail): Everyone's heading to the big house party of the weekend. You walk in, feeling cute in your skinny white jeans and mid drift baring tank. All is well in the world. You spot the guy you've been chumming it up with, you've hung out a few times, slept together, etc. You strike a pose, laugh with friends, wait for him to notice you and say hey. He doesn't. In fact, he looked dead at you. Hmm. That's weird. So you go and say hey to him (which you absolutely shouldn't have to do) and what does he do? Mumbles something resembling hello and then goes back to his conversation. Honey, he could care less. And if the sexes are reversed, it means she doesn't want anyone to know you like each other outside the confines of her apartment. I bet you one thing though, you will be getting a text later that night asking if you're still up...

Investments. As my best boy put it: "you spend money on a ho, but you invest in a wifey." And investing doesn't just equal money. It's time, effort, space, sharing your life. If he ain't even REMOTELY doing that, well he's just not that into you...but he is in to that ass;)

The Obvious. I once had a friend who was in a sexual relationship with a guy. She liked him though and wanted more. He didn't seem to interested in it, but she somehow confused his coming over at 3am with him totally being into her. Maybe she thought he just didn't realize it yet. Whatever she deluded herself into believing, it was pretty obvious that he was only interested in sleeping with her. He wouldn't return her calls, barely responded timely to texts, and yet she still thought because of the little nuggets of game he tossed her way, he was this close to professing his love.

At the end of the day, it's about boundaries. Put 'em up (or not, if you don't care). If s/he adheres to them, grrreat. If not. Keep it funky and peace out. Sure being a ho is fun, but housewives win on most days of the week. Especially Sunday.

**It's scary to think you can sleep through that many beeps and rings, what will you do in an emergency! What if the hamburglar is climbing in your window, snatching your people up and only Antoine Dodson saw it and he's calling you to runantellthat?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. I totally agree! we allow people to treat us a certain way. we have to earn respect. I know for women they have to work a little harder to earn respect but it must be done all around

  2. hamburglar is funnnyyy