Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Get In Line

A while ago, I dated a G-U-Y with no J-O-B. He was completely against type for me in appearance but his personality was so much that I ignored my love of chocolate men and shacked up with him like a tethered ball. We did everything together, obviously, since he had no formal employment. We'd see movies in the middle of the day or have lunch or go on walks. It was actually really simple to not spend money. In many ways, you can still have tons of fun and we did. But haters are always lurking and I had some friends who found it lame that I was aligned with someone on the unemployment line.

Look, we all fall on hard times and I firmly believe that everyone is just a lay off away from poverty and while I think what you do for a living is a large part of who you are, I don't think your job makes you who you are. The fact that he had no job didn't matter...well, much. I'll be honest, there were days when I didn't want to go dutch at the movies. There were times when it annoyed me that we had to count coins, but then he'd blow an incoming check on taking me out, making me have the kind of date night he wanted to give me with the funds he didn't usually have and I'd feel stupid. Ridiculous for ignoring all the qualities I liked about him and succumbing to the narrowed opinions. To them it didn't matter that we had more fun than all of their relationships combined-with far less money in our pockets. To them, personality meant less than the overall resume and possibility of a perfectly wrapped future. Nevermind that we were rich in other ways.

When things didn't work out and I was bummed, I was told that I shouldn't lose sleep over a dude without a job. That it was lame. And I moved on, not because he was a dude without a job, but because that's how things work. I've never been one to follow the crowd's appeal. I usually do what I want to do. Blessing. Curse. Sometimes I should listen, sometimes I shouldn't.

But what's funny is that this particular guy's star is on a serious rise now. Months after our demise, he became gainfully employed and all of his hard efforts began to seriously pay off. And, I'll be honest, it's exciting (and sometimes bittersweet) to watch someone talented, hard-working, and deserving get his due. It's even better to see those same people who told me to fall back, so diligently support him. Because while they praise him publicly, I smirk privately, on the sidelines, more or less as supportive as I was before the "fame." He was popular to me long before he was that guy to everyone else. And when he contacted me recently to show gratitude for my being there back when his chips were down (and he was a bit of a mess-his words, not mine), I knew he knew what I knew before they knew it and somewhere, somehow that counts for something. After all, it's a recession, and people should use it as an excuse to date someone for who they are versus what they do for a living. You just might find something worth more than a few dollars in the bank.

That bitch stole my line,

Blackie Collins


  1. people forget how hard it is to find a job. I never really ask of much, so if the job doesn't really bother me as long as you're not bumming off me. I would prefer you have a job.

    it's funny because when I started dating a dancer, I was like umm.. where is the money going to come from? but you can never judge, people tend to take care of themselves. the guy with the 401k, savings out the whyzoo and unlimited spendable credit cards might sound good but like I've read before from you - can be lame!

  2. awwww Blackie.... That's really big of you to be able to big him up especially given the fact that y'all were as intense as you were. Good job big girl! You're a real grown up!xoxox

  3. @thatb*tch i love how you said intense. you mean given how much i hated him? lol. im trying to grow up these days, so i guess it's working

  4. i so loved this article, i was hipped to it by drew-shane, during our regular banter over dating crisis in 20's...and this article touched on so much that has been a factor in how we select the person we want to give our time to in getting to know them. it gives me hope that there are some people are out there that can visible and emotionally be available to someone for who they are "off paper" instead of looking to see if they measure up in "material wealth" to upgrade themselves.i applauded you for going on the dates where you did go dutch because im sure in his mind it spoke volumes about yourself, and where you would like to stand with him in any given situation...and the reward was when he had it, you had it no questions asked...i love the article and will be staying tuned.

  5. @brian thanks for tuning in:) we love drew-shane over in these parts of town, so you better be cool too. I don't know if I am some sort of humanitarian or something bc I date dudes based on attributes "off paper..." I think it's just that I friggin like guys too damn much. ;)
    I kid. I kid. it honestly just made sense to "be there" so to speak. You just do it, I guess. Or you don't.