Thursday, August 5, 2010

Last One Down The Aisle Wins

Last One Down The Aisle Wins. That's the title of a new relationship book that stresses the notion that anyone who gets married before the age of thirty, reduces their chances of staying married by half. Well, that isn't totally what the book is about, but I felt it was one of the most important points made. The authors state that while many twenty-somethings are running around searching for someone else, they should be spending those years gleaming the most important relationship they'll ever have: The one with themselves.
No one knows who they are at twenty-one and while they get closer as they move towards their thirties, there's still good ten years in there where things can go horribly wrong. This is why my motto has become: last one down the aisle wins.

I was having a drink with a friend a few nights ago when two older gentlemen sat down next to us. One donned a wedding band; the other sans. We were having separate conversations until I turned to him and said: How long have you been married?

He responded with: "About three weeks," to which me and my friend burst out laughing. Much to their "what's so funny" inquiries, we explained that we weren't expecting such a short time frame, being that he looked to be about forty (he was actually forty-one). I asked why he waited so long to get hitched and he said he'd been married before, when he was in his twenties and how it had been more of a passion-filled, infatuation-esque relationship versus his new bride who was his "best friend." His buddy, who had been quiet up until this point, then asked if I had ever been married. I responded no and I guess he caught something in my tone as he followed up with, "what's your issue with marriage?" I told him briefly that I had no issue, but that I subscribed to the last one down the aisle notion, that I'd almost made the mistake once before, that I'd never do it again. I'd just wait it out, fight the good fight. He nodded in agreement as I explained, but you know what ol married dude said? "But don't you want kids?"

Sure, that's the only reason women are plopped on earth, right? I told him I didn't know and while they were a little thrown off, they got over it, brushing it off with, "you want children, you just haven't met the right one to have them with yet."

Thanks, for figuring it all out, Mr. Freud. And being that they're in their forties, it's possible they know more than I do, but the point is this: as we continued to discuss marriage and relationships, I found out that his summer was similar to mine in that his social circle was full of weddings...except his were second time weddings. Most of his friends had all been married before and had moved on from starter wife to future second ex-wife. I'm kidding, but seriously, you have to admit that this last one down the aisle idea is pretty spot on. Spend your twenties traveling, building a career, enjoying a full social life, dating, and more importantly, learning who you are! I'm not saying blow off whoever you're lovin on during your twenties, but keep it in perspective. If you plan on spending the rest of your lives together anyway, what's wrong with waiting a little while longer to ensure you make it to the finish line?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. Where is the like button on this thing. This is exactly the premise of our blog. Most men and some women are naive in their thinking that all women in their mid and late twenties want to get married asap. What about me? Geesh, I'm barely learning who I am and I'm almost 26 (gasps I'm getting old right). I still don't here my clock ticking the way everyone else assumes it does.

    Make that the love button. I love this post.

  2. I am 27...almost 28 does this still apply to me? I hope so because I am nowhere near ready to get married or have children. I am still learning about myself and what I want in life. Come to think of it most of my close friends (with the exception of 1) are all still searching, learning and are not concerned with "jumping the broom."

  3. i got married young. 23, at the time, i thought i was getting old! yikes! i had 3 children in the span of 5 years. i've been tellming my children for the last 10 years: do not think about getting married until you are at least 28! that sounds reasonable to me. finish college. climb mount everest. then, THINK about "settling down" once you've done YOUR thing, because when u get married and have children, you will be doing THEIR thing!

  4. @322 of course it applies to you! take your time, for real. and glad you're friends are-most of mine are either getting married or waiting on their groom to come along.

    @silentscorpion Here's your LOVE button. go ahead and click it lol. you know we're always on similar pages

    @658 my mother had her first kid when she was 31. had her last at 39. she spent all of her 20s traveling, going to school (secondary and grad), and shocker spent a year or two enjoying married life. by the time she became a mom, she was completely ready to hang her life over to her kids and she's the best mom. i think that's a huge part of why.

  5. Love, love, love this post. I even went and put the book on my Amazon list. I had my son at a young 21 years old. (Shhhh....I'm 36 now) and while I'm super grateful to be still young when he goes away to college, I wish I had waited. I'm working on letters to give him when he hits certain milestones (starts high school, starts college, gets married, etc.) and in there is definitely going to be the advice to enjoy his 20's and do his thing.