Monday, August 2, 2010

Dude Sit Down: Payment Plan

I am going to kick of the week with a round of Dude, Sit Down. This one is dedicated to my cheap skates and my cheap dates. This one is all about drink-buying and dinner-purchasing. It's really very simple. It isn't rocket science, unless you have the brain of a toddler, which some of y'all do, let's be honest. But here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. Wait for it. Wait for it.


I would just say thank you and good day, but we know I can't leave it like that and if I did, none of you would learn anything so onward we go.

Protocol. There are rules to these engagements and you must pay to play. You see a woman in a bar or lounge and want to chat her up? Go right ahead, is her glass empty? Yes? Well, I guarantee you'll get at least 3 minutes of talk time if you buy her a round. 3 minutes you say? How on earth? Well, A) there's the time it takes to wait for the drink to be made and B) the time it takes for her to take a few prerequisite sips in your actual presence before running off to find her girls. If you don't promote yourself into more time during those 3 minutes, I don't know what to tell you. But don't blame it on the alcohol that you had to purchase for your lack of nightly entertainment, blame it on your boring ass conversation that made her say, "Thanks for the drink" and teeter off to the beat of on to the next, on-on to the next.

Manners are manners are manners. How are you going to ask me on a date, escort me into the inside of sidewalk, let me walk in the door first while holding it open, maybe even pull out my chair for me, but when the bill comes expect Ed O'Neill and Ethan Embry to pop up for a reenactment of Dutch. What land do you live in where all's inclusive except for the actual date, itself. I didn't ask you out, I didn't invite you to have another martini, I didn't insist you get the filet. So why do I have to split the check with you again? In the story of boy meets girl and supposedly COURTS girl to impress girl, where does it say, "Girl pays for her own meal on the first date." I bet that book wasn't a best seller.

Talkin' bout my generation. Perhaps what bothers me most is that this seems to be a new trend. I've read a lot of blogs lately by males about how they despise paying for a girl's drink or talked to men who think a new world order should be in place by itemizing the dinner check when it's delivered just to "keep it funky." This is bullsh*t quite frankly. I don't recall having to worry about paying for my own drinks or dinner or trip to Fiji back in the day. I have a clear memory of my prom date's parents giving him money for the night so when the limo dropped us off at Che Foo Foo, my little tuxedo clad boyfriend could be the MAN for the night and pay for our dinner. It didn't matter that technically his parents were footing the bill. What mattered was that he was taught, in the eleventh grade to take care of the lady's meal. That it was par for the dating course. Now perhaps it all fell apart when women started burning their bras and claiming they were I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. Or maybe it was the abuse of the rules by getting ol boy to buy four drinks for her and her homegirls only to run off when he turned to pay the bill. I honestly don't care what it was. There are still some of us who are hip to the manners game and I don't think we should have to pay for the sins of the ignorant nor do I think guys should use it as their long awaited scapegoat to get out of paying.

Mama/Sister Factor. Sometimes it just comes down to how you would want your mother or sister to be treated. Before you get your boxers in a bunch, no, I'm not your mother or sister, but the overall respect for females from a lot of you has just dropped in a major way. I don't know where it came from, I don't know why, but I know it should go on ahead and bury itself in Potter's Field, anonymously going awa into the night. It's just apart of the games of respectfully dating. You, the man, pays. You probably think it isn't fair. It probably seems like a double standard. Well, I mean this in the kindest way B knows how to say it: Two tears in a bucket.

I think you know the rest.

I'd love to hear the male vs. female thoughts on this topic. Go ahead, let's dance.

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins

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