Wednesday, August 4, 2010

When Two Become One

I've been thinking a lot about the spaces in your head and your heart. How you can have more than one spot for more than one person and I'm weighing the pros and cons, wondering if it's really possible to want more than one person at the same time.

We know that it's possible to do so over a longer period of time, such as a lifetime. We hear people say such pillow-stitched sayings like: love of your life, but what about when you get to love more than one person in your lifetime. It's completely possible. My grandmother's been married three times. Now I think she'd say my grandfather is her great love, but you can't tell me she didn't love the other two who preceded him. My aunt was married three times as well and while she's currently remarried, I think it's clear to most that her heart will always be with her second husband who died of cancer after ten years together. Lastly, high school best friend is already married and divorced at 28. She has boyfriend and it's serious. That's love number two for her and that not counting her high school or college "loves." So there's three examples of people who've definitely had their share of various loves in their one lifetime.

But then there's wanting two people at the same exact time. That's when I start to dig and pull apart, curious as to how a person can truly be torn between two different people. Well there's that-the fact that the desired two are probably very different thus causing the confused individual to want both in order to have the best of both worlds.

I'm prone to think it isn't possible to want more than one person simultaneously. Not for real. You're always going to want one just a little bit more than the other and yet, at the same time, you have to think of the absolutes. If you don't know whether you want me or not than you do know one thing: you don't want me. Does that make sense? See, being unsure means you don't want what's in front of you because if you knew what was in front of you, you wouldn't be confused at all. I'm that good.

I'm kidding.

Not really.

And then I think of the possibilities. Our hearts are huge! Able to love as many as possible. Think about it: we love our families, god, our friends, pets, and whomever else our hearts allow in. Love, in it's basic form or even affection, is completely possible to dole out in as many outlets as necessary. If love is, in fact, all we need, aren't we obligated to pass it around?

But that's also all very extreme. Say it isn't love. Say it's simple affection or having feelings beyond friendship altogether. Obviously it's possible to have those feelings for different people at the same time...After all, isn't that what (nonxclusive)dating is?

And many would say who you give your feelings to is a choice and choosing someone is a rational, clear thought. Yes, it can hit you out of nowhere so to speak, but making the decision to give weight to those feelings is the door you pick. It's a chance you're deciding to take. Like being married and then meeting someone else with whom you have amazing chemistry. You have to avoid choosing circumstances that will inevitably lead you to exploring that chemistry and thus cheating on your husband/wife. You chose that outcome in a lot of ways, maybe even in all ways.

So at the end of all this, I guess it's possible, but what you do with it is completely up to you. If you happen to be the desired few, I assume you just need to figure out if you want to wait around to be "picked." If you're the confused, I guess you go about pulling yourself from between the rock & the hard place and pray they both don't drop your ass before you figure it all out.

What do you guys think? Ever been stuck in a predicament like this? Were you one of the two waiting to get picked or were you ever the one totally into two different people?

That bitch stole my line,


Blackie Collins


  1. I think we allow ourselves to be in love with alot of people at one time. I've been in the same position and on the other side, awaiting the verdict. Love is tricky! If only our brain and heart could feel the same thing

  2. I have never had the luxury of having to make a decision between two men. I have been the one of the the end I chose to walk away. I tend to go with my heart if faced with that situation. BIf one use their brain, its influence with outside affairs and issues such as will my family friends like him. Great book reference to this that Im reading now is 'Unexpected Interruptions'.

    - A.D.

  3. I've been in love with two people. You just can't help the qualities you find in both. It's rough for real, but I've never been on the receiving end. I'd assume it'd be hard to wait it out.

  4. i think people are acclimating to a definition of love that's become more & more lax. i think being in love for real happens for only one person. because with love, you care about that person more than yourself, but in having to choose over that person and another, someone ends up getting hurt. so being enamored by the two just seems to be greedy and not really seeing in the one person that THIS person is everything despite his/her shortcomings, annoying habits, etc.


  5. i think i should have been born a male. i strongly identify with Nola Darling, the main character in Spike Lee's "She's gotta have it" 1986. the character was based on Lee, he just flipped the script but basically sometimes it's like that in the film. you get different things from different people. like one guy you might like is a thug and you like him for protection and or the sex. the other is a banker, you like him for conversation and money, the other maybe your gay friend and you love him because while he is male, you can relate to his fem side. doesnt mean you have to love and/or be with them. you just love them all. nothing wrong with that! now if you are tapping all 3. you might need help! and yes all bisexuals are greedy!